Hey, I'm new. Sorry if I'm doing this wrong. I recently came out as transgender to my parents. My father was pretty chill with it, I wasn't really worried about his response because I knew he'd react well. It's just my mother that's worrying me, and I have nothing else to turn to. My mum doesn't know what the right and wrong things to say are. Today I bought some men's underwear. Mum drove me there, and on the way she kept on comparing me to my older sister. She would constantly tell me that she's used to having her 'daughters' wear men's clothes and act boyishly. I almost cried; she doesn't yet realise that I'm not a girl, and I never have been. It's made me feel like some freak. I apologise if I seem like some whiny toddler, I don't intend on coming across like that. There are many worse things that could have happened to me, but I still want my mother to understand. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hey, it's totally ok I know how you feel. My mom didn't have a "great" reaction when I came out either. Something that someone told me when I was really struggling that I think will help you is this: She's your mom. So it sucks, but you have to take it. But you know, that doesn't mean you have to LISTEN. Hearing and listening are two different things. So if she tells you that you're 'her daughter' or 'not a man', just know that you have to be respectful and HEAR it (especially not to start further conflict), but you don't have to LISTEN to it and let it get in your head and get you down. She's not you, so whatever SHE says that YOU are, doesn't matter. It's kinda hard to get at first, but if you really understand it and TRY it, it honestly helps.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, but I hope you understand how hard it will be for your mum too. It's a lot for her to take in and adjust to. Most parents are not well informed or educated about trans issues and even those that are still struggle from time to time, so we (you) have a role in educating and supporting your mum, so she, in turn can support you. It's a two way street. Can you find some resources for your mum to read... some leaflets or books for parents of trans kids maybe? Her mind is probably racing with questions, so if you can point her to some good resources it might help her to find answers. The most important thing is to not leave her in limbo. If you can make it easier for her, it will make it easier for you. If you are struggling to find any resources for parents give us a shout and we'll see if we can help you.
