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should i give up at supposed unrequited liking?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by itsnotavery, Sep 24, 2016.

  1. itsnotavery

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    Firstly, I'd like to thank anyone who is taking their time to read and reply to this post.

    Some context- I have come to a firm understanding that I'm queer not too long ago. For this reason, I haven't had a strong legitimate crush on a person of the same-sex just yet, just attractions, but I'm sure that day will come soon enough.

    The thing that I would like to know is that when that day comes, should I be cautious and make myself aware that the guy is probably straight so as to not have high hopes during rejection, or should I be assertive when the time comes and flat out ask him, even if it means putting myself out there and potentially hurting myself later?

    Additionally, what should I do if I know for sure that he's straight? Should I confess even though I know it can't do any good and will lead to no where?
    ______________________
    Thanks for hearing me out!
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hello, itsnotavery.

    You don't ask simple questions, do you?:lol:

    The best way to approach anyone that you consider a potential boyfriend would be to work to make them friends first. If you don't even have enough interests/hobbies/etc in common to become friends, a romantic relationship isn't likely to last anyway. But, yes, you shouldn't get your hopes too high at this point. Just try to keep them focused on the possibility of gaining a new friend. If you become friends, it should become fairly apparent after a while whether or not he is (1) gay or bi and (2) whether he returns your romantic interest. So basically, why rush it? Worst case is you don't have much in common and go your separate ways. Better case is that you gain a new friend. Best case is that he has a romantic interest in you and you gain a boyfriend. And if you don't go overboard and invest yourself emotionally in him as a potential boyfriend too early, you shouldn't have too much problem dealing with the disappointment if it doesn't turn into a romantic relationship. The main thing is to try to balance what your head is telling you with what your heart is telling you to do.

    The basic answer is 'no.' Just move on and try to forget him. But this is always dependent on the individual person and the specific situation in which you find yourself. If, for example, you have become good friends and wish to keep him as a friend, you will have to evaluate - by getting to know him - what his attitude is towards LGBTQ people and how he might react to you telling him about your crush. If he is a good friend, he'll be understanding. But there is ALWAYS a risk that he may react badly, so you should take that into consideration before acting.

    Generally, you will just have to take these situations one at a time and deal with them on their own merits and do what you think is best.

    These are just my opinions, but I hope some of this helps.

    Good luck!

    Take Care. Stay strong and proud!:slight_smile:
     
    #2 Quantumreality, Sep 25, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2016