Am i falling in too deep again?

Hey Nero360,

It’s definitely not usual for a straight guy to stare into another guy’s eyes for any length of time unless it is a challenge – a stare-down, to see who blinks or looks away first. From what you describe, it doesn’t sound like he’s trying to stare you down. It does kind of sound like he may be in to you. You probably know that a lot of gay/bi guys that are in the closet talk about girls a lot as a cover, so the fact that he talks about girls 24/7 isn’t necessarily and indicator one way or the other.

Does he smile at you when he engages you in either talk or these staring sessions? Have you smiled at him? Have you tried holding his gaze, smiling, and just waiting to see what he does?

You described your feelings as awkward, embarrassed, and uncomfortable. Can you clarify what you are feeling? Are you uneasy because you think he may like you? Are you uneasy because you may have feelings for him? Are you uneasy because you think he may like you, but you don’t feel that way about him?

If you think you like him, why not try to start by just seeing if you can make him your friend? See if you have common interests or hobbies. If you have something in common, maybe see if he’s interested in hanging out with you. Then you could see where it goes from there.

Just some thoughts.

Take Care. Stay strong and proud!

 

Well, not to say that it is necessarily the case here, but people who are hiding something tend to overemphasize the opposite thing. For example, some to the most outspoken and vicious homophobes I've known were in the closet themselves. Similarly, why does he talk about girls SO MUCH? Is he really just using that as a shield to hide his own sexuality? Is he bi and scared that he has feelings for guys, too, so he pretends to himself and the world that he just straight by focusing on girls? Only he could really answer those questions.

I understand that you aren't Out. But, like I said, if you are interested in him, what would it hurt to try to make him a friend? The better you get to know him, the better you may understand whether or not he might be a bf prospect (if that interests you) or just a friend or maybe you two won't have anything in common and will just be acquaintances.

As far as his comment about a lot of people being bi is concerned, without knowing the context in which he said that, it's hard to apply any direct implications from that statement.

Does any of this help with your concerns?

 

Go for it, Nero360. Good friends are worth having regardless of whether they may end up being bfs...

 

No, Nero360, from my point of view, that is definitely NOT a normal guy-to-guy friendship. If he is making you uncomfortable, you should confront him - likewise if you feel an attraction to him, your clearest option is to tell him (ideally in private so as not to potentially embarrass either one of you). The constant touching part is a key indicator that he really may like you 'that way.' But whether he is willing to consciously acknowledge his 'gayness' is up to him. If he isn't willing to admit an attraction to you, you pretty much should just make a point of cutting him off - i.e. telling him outright to stop touching you. His inability to deal with his sexuality would only complicate your life and you don't deserve that. On the flip side, if he's willing to open up to you about his attraction to you, you could proceed from there together as potential bfs.

And, yes, sometimes for those of us who engage in non-heterosexual relationships, it can, unfortunately be that awkward. But you have to do what your heart and your mind tell you is the best option for you.

 

Well Nero, like Quantum I can't claim to reverse-engineer your acquaintance's feelings for you, one way or the other.

What I can do is relate how whether a person talks about girls, or what their favorite sexual topic is, usually is at some point an inverse indicator. The more they talk, the more you can doubt.

For example, when I was working for a company for quite some time, I spent quite a bit of time with a coworker, who was a redneck from Alabama. I could literally time him like a watch--it would take him, when he had an audience, less than five minutes to steer the conversation to the subject of homosexuals, particularly those he referred to as "butt pirates," and a host of other colorful terms. It was relentless. In fact, he was the person that made me realize that the more a guy talks that way about homosexuals, the more likely he is one.

On the other hand, some people aren't comfortable ranting about homsexuals, so they go out of their way to sound like heterosexual sex addicts. It crosses a line, where it starts to intrude into nearly every conversation about whatever topic. It's then that you know there might be something interesting going on.

So yeah, he might be staring at you because he has some kind of sensory handicap, or perhaps because he likes you. He might be touchy because he wants to feel closer to you, or not. But as has already been suggested, if he has redeeming qualities, you should explore a friendship with him. Good friends are hard to find. And who knows? You might become comfortable with that penetrating gaze of his, wherever the motivation for it may come from.

 

Hey Nero360,

Maybe he realized what he was doing yesterday was weird or perhaps, like you said, he realized that it made you uncomfortable. If he really is attracted to you he probably won't be able to help himself and will end up doing it again...

Have you actually seen him date any of these girls he talks about all the time?

 

Hmmm...

Well, sounds like you probably just want to stay the course for now and be friends with him, eh?

But it sounds like you will have to deal with his constant talk of gfs and hetero sex.

You might want to think about what you would/could say to him if he does end up getting flirty with you again in the future.

Good luck!

 

Nero,

I'd have to refer you back to my earlier post.

Of course he could be bi - or even gay, making out with a girl in the hallway could be putting on a show - and his touching does indicate interest in you, but he may not be willing to acknowledge it consciously, even to himself.

But only he can tell you any of this for sure. What do you want to do?

 

That sounds like a good plan, Nero360. The more time you can spend with him hanging out one-on-one outside of school, the more open he is likely to be and the better you should be able to evaluate his intentions towards you (friend or bf).

Good luck!

 

So, Nero360, is your main concern about him touching you like that in class centered around your classmates finding out about you? Because if the two of you become bfs, he's likely going to want to be at least as openly affectionate towards you in class, if not more. And in the meantime (between now and the 30th), from the way you've described his behavior, he's almost certainly going to act that way again towards you in class.