I'm 17 and in my senior year of high school, and this is an issue that I've been thinking about for a while. I have trouble in a lot of social situations, I'm not attractive, and I'm kind of weird; so naturally not many people has really wanted to be in a romantic relationship with me. And for a while a lot of that was because I broke away from potential relationships, because I was depressed and tired all the time. I isolated myself from everyone, and struggled to keep up friendships. I would only hurt someone I was with, and until I was feeling better I didn't want to be in a relationship. However, now I'm feeling a lot better about myself but I still worry. The thing is, there's no one at my school that I would want to date, and vice versa, and I've gotten a reputation for being quiet and introverted. I'm not good at approaching people in a more casual manner, and if you couldn't tell I'm not too confident, so it's hard to ask anyone out. Besides this, I'm much more into people's personality than their looks. Someone could be really pretty, but if I don't enjoy talking to them then why would I want to date them? This has led to me being really attracted to few people, mostly people who never caught my eye but after getting to know them I got real attached. This makes it even more awkward when most people I know are just looking for someone to mess around with. That's not a bad thing, but it's not me at all. I'm not necessarily looking for "the one," or whatever, but its tough to find anyone like that around me. Sorry for the rambling, but what's making me more nervous is what will happen if I go off to college without much experience. I'm afraid that I'll be too embarrassed, or worse, I'll continue the cycle. I mean, shouldn't I have more experience with this stuff? Am I just that unlikable, is something wrong with me, or am I just overthinking it? I don't expect a relationship to fix my problems, or to find Ms/Mr right, but I really do want to get close to someone and fall in love with them. It's all very frustrating, confusing, tiring, and kind of pathetic. So if any of you have any advice about dating, please tell me about it. Were you ever uncomfortable dating, how did you make yourself more confident?:help:
There's no required amount of experience. There are people in college that have dated around a lot and people who haven't dated at all. There's nothing wrong with being quiet and introverted. Plenty of people are, they're just hard to notice because they, you know, keep to themselves. My girlfriend often jokes that I'm the only one she knows quieter than she is. Did you see anyone about your depression and are you seeing anyone now? If not, you might want to consider it. One good way to meet people is to get involved with things you're interested in. That way you already know you have that thing in common with the people you meet and it's easier to approach them. College is really good for this because, unlike high school, students tend to pick classes that genuinely interest them. If you go to a small school now, you may also find that college tends to be a lot more diverse. I was extremely uncomfortable with dating. In high school, I had a lot of crushes that didn't like me back. I could've dated one of my best friends but I sabotaged the relationship because I was scared. I ended up dating a guy my senior year, but we only lasted three months before I broke it off to leave for college. It took me a few years, but I settled in well at college and started dating my girlfriend. She's weird and quiet too and we have a lot in common. Sometimes I still get anxious within our relationship, but I'm working on it and it does get easier. The key is remembering that everyone progresses at their own pace. If you haven't met anyone you want to date yet, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with taking time to yourself either. If you feel like everyone is just looking for a fun time but you don't want that, that's fine too. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
Thanks for the response, it makes me feel a little better. I didn't want to check to see if anyone responded at first, and I kind of felt stupid for making this whiny post while others have much more important problems. I'm going to take your advice, as best I can, but the depression part is a little more difficult. At the time, knowing the symptoms and length, it would've been incredibly likely I'd be diagnosed with clinical depression. But now, I still show Some symptoms of depression but it isn't as bad as it was. I haven't really talked with many people about about it, and I couldn't dream of bringing it up to my parents on a whim. I mean, I've considered asking for help, but I don't know who I would see or what would happen after I say so. If you have any advice for that, please tell. Sorry this has drifted from my main reason for the post, but seriously thank you.
Your problems are valid, no matter how insignificant they may or may not seem to others. If they're important to you, then they're important too. Are your parents open to talking things, especially around mental health? If they are, just ask them if you can start seeing someone. You don't have to tell them why, although that might help them to find the right professional for you. You could also do research on your own ahead of time, to see if there's anyone that you're interested in, and then take those names to your parents. If they're not, I know it's scary but consider doing those things anyway. Another option would be seeing a counselor at school, if you have one. They might also be able to be someone in your court if you talk to your parents and might be able to refer you to outside help.
