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First boyfriend, how do I initiate sex?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Rice and Pepper, Oct 1, 2016.

  1. Rice and Pepper

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    Hello everyone,

    So a couple of weeks ago, I met a very cute guy and now we are dating. He is really gentle and nice, and I feel that soon we will reach the point of having sex. But frankly I have no idea how to initiate it.
    My main concern is topping and bottoming. I have no idea what he is into, and I'm not sure if I can bottom (I don't even know how big he is). Whenever I try masturbating anally, I can insert stuff in me, but I definitely cannot slide them back and forth. I have tried water based lube and it didn't help much to be honest.
    Another thing is how you prepare for anal sex. I have watched porn and their butts are sparkling clean, which is obviously not realistic. I expect my/his rectum to have at least some residues. How do you deal with those, how do you limit the chances of a brown disaster in bed in a manner that is reasonable for the time-limited everyday life?

    I frankly don't know what to expect because it will be my first time in bed with someone else. So should I discuss with him about this? Should we stick to hand and oral sex at the beginning? How soon should we go for anal sex?

    If you have first time (or not) experience that you don't mind sharing, please do. He seems like a very understanding person, but I don't want to start a conversation about sexual experience/preferences (which could also lead to ex's and personal pleasure etc), nor do I want to end up in a really uncomfortable situation for both of us in bed.

    Your help is much appreciated!
     
  2. HuskyLover

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    I don't think initating sex with a guy is much different compared to when you do it with a woman. Kissing, stroking, whatever floats your boat to turn each other on.

    About the topping/bottoming part, just ask him what he prefers, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure you two can figure it out.
     
    #2 HuskyLover, Oct 1, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2016
  3. DangerAlex

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    Rice, your situation really takes me back. When you're inexperienced, there's a tendency to overthink the situation, and that's what you want to try not to do.

    One of the few drawbacks to anal sex (versus traditional, penis-in-vagina sex) is that it does require some level of preparation and foresight. But it's not unmanageable. Ideally, you'll want both parties to be freshly showered with squeaky-clean butts, which is a courtesy whether you're in a hetero relationship or same-sex relationship. You might consider getting an enema bulb from Amazon or something. Put some clean, warm water in it and give yourself a little flush within a few hours of having sex. This isn't a requirement, but it could give you some peace of mind. Alternately, you could just make sure that you've gone to the bathroom beforehand and that you're fairly certain there's nothing in there that's almost ready for expulsion.

    Now I'm going to tell you something you probably don't want to hear: When you're having anal sex, it's basically guaranteed that you're going to have an "incident" involving poo. It's really an inevitability because no matter how much you prepare, there's just no way to make sure you're entirely empty. More often than not, the incidents will be extremely minor, not anything like the horror scene you see in your head. Nonetheless, be aware that this is a possibility. If you cover the basics--be clean, go to the bathroom beforehand, give yourself an enema for peace of mind--it will probably be a rare occasion when it happens. Also, you shouldn't use enemas more than just on occasion since the water you're squirting up there will actually cause your rectum to dry out.

    As for how to initiate sex with your boyfriend, there are a couple ways you could go about it. The first--and probably the least desirable for you--is to just be upfront with him and talk to him about it. Chances are good that he's having many of the same concerns that you are. And just because you're talking about it today doesn't mean that you're bound by verbal contract to immediately have anal sex; you can talk to him about it long before you're actually ready to have anal sex. Alternately, you could start off with more accessible sexual acts (like hand jobs and blow jobs), stick with those for a while, and work you way up to anal sex. In fact, that's how I've done it with every relationship basically; start with the simpler stuff and work your way to the bigger stuff. This lets you get comfortable in a sexual situation without having to hit the ground running, so to speak.

    Whatever you choose to do, you'll definitely want to talk to him about sex at some point. Communication is paramount in a relationship, especially when sex is involved. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that I've always really liked for my boyfriend to tell me about something that he likes or wants me to do for him. Knowing that I'm pleasing him is a huge turn-on for me. Most of the time they're just small, simple things I do without question, but things I wouldn't have thought about on my own. Communication can only make relationships better and, therefore, sex better.

    Hopefully this was helpful to you. Good luck, have fun and be safe.