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I think my friend fancies me and i dont want to hurt him

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by peter goose, Oct 1, 2016.

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  1. peter goose

    peter goose
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Scotland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm 37 but only recently came out. One of my friends (clearly a guy)took it really well which pleased me for we'd known each other for over 20 years.
    Thing is,since he's found out he has been acting way different. Late night phone calls and loads of texts. We used to see each other once or twice a month,I've seen him three times in the last four days.
    Maybe he's just showing support but I front think so. He is not my type at all,he's a decent friend but that's it. I think this is going to come to a head and I'll reject him and he has psychological issues and has tried suicide many times. A few years back I went to his house just as he opened his veins,I got help in time.
    Should I pre empt this and let him down gently with words?,what if I'm wrong and he's straight (he's 38 never had a girlfriend). If he comes on to me I will have to reject him,at best our friendship will suffer and I don't want that.
    Any advice?
    .
     
    #1 peter goose, Oct 1, 2016
  2. faustian1

    faustian1
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    Well, indeed he may fancy you, and this will require a lot of diplomacy. However, there is another possibility, which you imply in what you wrote.

    Imagine being in the closet, and friendless for many years, or at least having only friends who know nothing of your "secret." Then, at some point, someone you're acquainted with admits that he is gay. All of a sudden, there is a "safe" person that now takes a somewhat more important position in your life.

    That person may be you. As you pointed out, he doesn't seem to be interested in women, or maybe is afraid of them, or something else.

    And what if you're wrong and he's straight? I don't know what that would produce, honestly.

    You could, at an appropriate time, simply ask him if he's ever had an attraction to other males. But yes, you should pre-empt this if you believe it is going there. It's not clear though, where it is going. At least right now.
     
    #2 faustian1, Oct 1, 2016
  3. peter goose

    peter goose
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Scotland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm just not sure what's going on. I could be completely wrong,it could be coincidence, perhaps he just felt like more of my company at the exact time I told him I'm gay. Maybe he's just lonely.
    But I don't think so,and the last thing I want to do is add to his mental health issues,maybe I'll try to avoid him for a few weeks,say I'm busy.
     
    #3 peter goose, Oct 2, 2016
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