So I have been crushing on one of my best friends (I'll call him John) for quite some time now and I'm not sure if he just likes joking as if he's gay or if he's really interested in me. It has driven me crazy for months now trying to figure out what's going on in that head of his but I've learned to just sit back and enjoy the show. The reason I'm posting today is because of some things that happened while we were hanging out last night. Nothing too hot and heavy but it blurred some lines between joking and out right flirting. Now, we frequently make gay jokes to each other, (for example when I was on my way to his house yesterday I jokingly text him to be naked when I got there and he told me to be sure to bring condoms) sometimes it can get pretty descriptive and we usually go back and forth until one of us lacks a good comeback. We're not shy either and we joke like this around others, even girls he or I are trying to hook up with. We've been told multiple times that we are oddly comfortable with each other. It doesn't just stop with jokes, I've posted before talking about how he's grabbed my junk on a few occasions and he's "forced" me to run my fingers through his hairy chest (I love it for some reason). Last night was really no different a show compared to what we usually put on but I felt like he was showing off or marking his territory so to speak. So to what happened last night. An old friend of mine was in town this weekend (one of my other best friends, I'll call him James) so we planned to meet up and hit the town. He wasn't going to be free until pretty late so to kill some time I went over John's house, chilled and had a couple drinks. When James was free I invited John to join, he declined (I kind of knew he would but I kind of wanted the two of them to meet) and I left. I met up with James and a few of his friends but the club we went to was boring and overpriced. After being there a while I decided to try to guilt trip John into joining us but he had gone to a bar close to his house so I convinced everyone to go there. By the time we get there the bar is packed, music's going and John is already drunk, awesome for me because he gets handsy when he's drunk. I introduce John to James, there wasn't too much to that but I did kind of notice John sizing James up. Not really sure how to describe it but it was like he was seeing how good a friend James is. He pretty much ignored the other people we came with and he kept buying James drinks but that's not what confuses me. I couldn't hear every exchange between the two of them but I remember John talking about how big my junk was and he good in bed I was, shit like that. James knew he was drunk and he laughed it off but it didn't stop there. As I said before he gets pretty frisky when drunk and we are far from uncomfortable with each other. As the night went on and the more we drank John would occasionally come dance on me or wrap his arm around me or reach for my crotch being silly and he was constantly dropping hints that we were doing it. I was loving it but I couldn't let it show (I am not out to anyone), I just kept pushing him off and laughing at him. At some point he throws his ass into my lap, grabs my hand and reaches it under his shirt and rubs it up and down his chest and abs for a few seconds. Now he gets wild but he's never done anything like that before and I didn't know what to do. But he was only doing stuff like that when James was around, any other time he was pointing out good looking chicks or trying to get some girls number. He spent the rest of the night hitting on some chick in vain actually. After we all left John apologized if he had embarrassed me or anything and told me he felt bad for getting so drunk. I think he thought I was mad but to be honest all I could think was how effing sexy he was and how I wished James would've left sooner so I could've done some of the crotch grabbing. I am now more confused than ever about him. I just keep thinking about how good his body felt. I know this was a pretty long one and thanks to anyone who read this far. Not sure if I should just assume this was a drunken "he's my best friend" pissing contest or if that was him dropping some serious hints. Either way I'm sure James is convinced that I'm banging a dude but oh well. Let me know what you guys think.
Haha curiousmind, dude, your friend John might very well be interested in you. I certainly see such behaviour as not-straight. He might obviously be exploring his own sexuality, but really, why would he do such things to you? I think there's something more going on. Remember as well, people use "I was drunk" as an excuse as well. It's sort of a free pass to be able to do stuff. I could drink a couple of beers and say "ooh it was the booze, I'm so sorry", which seems like an easy way out right? Unless I have some alcohol problems, I'm in control of what I drink. He could very well have done this (drinking that much) on purpose, because he know it makes him more at ease with doing those things to you. Anyway, it doesn't seem likely that he's completely straight to me, and there's definitely a possibility that he sees something in you. I wish you two the best, hopefully more happens between you two. :icon_bigg Cheers, Quem
I can only judge from what you say in your post because I don't know you or him. From what you say, however, it certainly does seem like John is not straight. These don't look like the behaviors of a straight guy. To answer your question, I think these are serious hints.
Yeah, same here. He doesn't sound straight to me! Also, if he was able to apologise for getting so drunk, then perhaps he wasn't as drunk as he said he was. Usually, people who are completely off their head don't seem to notice. To me, it definitely sounds like he's hinting at something, either that or he's having way too much fun with his play-acting. Good luck with this.
I usually don't comment on these posts, since I usually don't feel qualified to answer, but... Either your friend is the biggest tease in the world, OR he's at the very least bisexual. Now, I have no clue how you'd approach this guy about this other than to seriously ask him, and you might not want to do that if you're afraid that'll harm your friendship or he'll be offended, but if you think he'll be okay with the question and you want answers... It might be good for you to just ask him. A lot of people on here have this motto of "Never ask!", but I think it really depends on your relationship with that person- I have asked many people I'm close to before if they were this sexuality or that sexuality because I felt like they wouldn't be offended, so it really just depends on how you think he'll react if you ask. I know what it's like to be left with unanswered questions though, and that sucks.
Yeah, I think you guys are right. I just don't know what to do about it. A few months back I tried to be a little more assertive and things got kind of awkward. I gave up when he briefly started seeing this girl he pretty much described as his dream girl but I hung out with both of them a few times and he still joked around with me. Even more than usual. It was pretty much he and I hanging out and her in the background. I could tell it actually made her uncomfortable so I just downplayed it or outright didn't play along sometimes. Even after they stopped seeing each other we didn't hang out much and he was telling me about a new girl he was interested in each week. So yeah, I took up the policy just to "never ask." But recently there's been a change in our work shifts and our shifts don't line up often but anytime we're both off we are pretty much hanging out. Just the other day he gave me shit cause I got off a lot earlier than he thought I was supposed to and I didn't text him or come over. We go out all the time and argue about who's paying the bill and on a few occasions he's actually invited me over and cooked us dinner (nothing sexier than watching a man cook for you). I can't get a read on him whatsoever.
Honestly, I stand by the advice I offered back in April about this situation. Your buddy may be drunk when he does all of this touchy-feely stuff with you, but normal drunkeness doesn't equate to complete memory loss and abandonment of all boundaries. Most people retain a reasonable level of awareness, even when they are drunk. Yes, some inhibitions do fall, but not to the extent (and with the frequency) of both of your inhibitions. I think there is a need for that sober conversation that I referred to earlier in the year.
I appreciate the advice you have given me PatrickUK. It was your response back in April that boosted my confidence and convinced me to be more assertive with him but to be honest, I am absolutely terrified to have that conversation. I don't even think I can do it completely sober. I get nervous just asking him normal questions. I wouldn't even know how to get the conversation going and I'll always have that fear in the back of my head that it is all just him joking with me and I'll end up embarrassing myself or worse, upset him. I'm used to pursuing woman where the biggest fear is just a shot to your ego.
I'm so done with him right now... Sorry I'm a little hurt and this is all coming out of anger right now but I need to express it or I'll push it down and hurt for longer than its worth. Tonight "John" kind of made it abundantly clear that he's straight without even saying a word. Trying to shorten this as best I can: I went out with him and some of his friends tonight. To begin, he didn't invite me until he needed a ride because he was too drunk to drive himself (1 o'clock in the morning). Sometimes I feel like he doesn't want me to hang out with his other friends honestly but he was telling a bunch of people I was his best friend and shit. He did his usual flirting and dancing with me, slapping my ass, grabbing my dick. He even kissed me on the f*$&in cheek! Needless to say I had a pretty good time and at some point he begged me to make sure he left alone (I drove his car and his words were "make sure I leave with no one but you"). Just as we were leaving though some random, ugly chick started flirting with him (started talking bout blowing dudes and shit). He begged me to go get the car and meet him and that he would not move but when I came back he was no where to be found and still hasn't answered my text or calls. I looked for him for a while but nothing. I don't know whether I'm more upset that he ditched me or that he disappeared with that chick. I actually teared up on the way back home. I hate this feeling and I feel so stupid!
That sucks, my friend. You feel stupid because he's disrespecting and using you. Calling you at 1 AM to come fetch him and then ditching you to go hook up with some random person? Good lord. No wonder you're upset. I know the emotional side blurs everything, but just try to think about it logically for a minute. Would you put up with this shit from anyone else?
I'm usually not an emotional person or a jealous one at that but he's got me all turned around. I don't even know what really happened and I could just be jumping to conclusions. I can look past the 1 am thing and I've had his car the past few days so picking him up is not a huge deal. I just don't like feeling like I'm putting myself out there or that I can tell him how I really feel and then being pushed aside for just any chick who shows a small interest. I just need sleep and some time away from him.
