I am scared to tell how crazy I am on her because she's my friend.

I am married and inloved with my friend. I am married to a man and have 2 kids. My husband knew from the start about my sexuality. Although, I've been in a monogamous relationship, I don't have a problem if I want to have a relationship with a woman since my husband fully accepts me.

My friend and I have just known for a year at work. I think and feel that she's my soulmate friend who I can spend hours of time and cannot be bothered about the time that flies. We just clicked. The trouble is, recently, I've just realized that I have feelings for her. That changed 360 degrees my life as she's always in my mind in a different view. I want to kiss her. I want to make love with her. I want her completely. Both of us are bisexuals. I am so crazy about her...I think I'm inloved with her. I'm dropping hints but she's not reciprocating. I am scared to tell her directly as I don't want to scare her and run away from our friendship. I really value our friendship. But I am going nuts!

 

Yeah. I know. First time to experience this in my entire 7 years with my husband, though. I had never looked at women before like how I looked at some guys. I am probably 90/20 Hushhh. That's life. Very random. She just came along in my life in a very unpredictable way. I have other closed friends and bestfriends but never developed this kind of feeling with any of them. It just happened. I fall for her.

You may be right that she's not reciprocating because she doesn't want to mess up, although, she knew that I am free to have inimacy with women as I am open to my husband. You see, I know that we can't be a couple. It's unfair for me to ask that. Maybe what I'm looking for is a little bit of same mutual feelings from her? You know what I mean? Even a little bit of knowledge that she's into me, too. I don't know...Maybe it's more of me feeling shit because I fall for her when all I wanted her for was to be my friend forever. As in forever like as we grow old.

 

Oh that's a mistake. 80/20. 80% straight, 20% gay.

She's not involved yet. She's seeing a guy just recently. Not serious. I'm cool with that. I'm not jealous. I want her to be happy and be in a relationship that she's looking for. I cannot guarantee a stable relationship to her...can't even offer that. But all the possibility of love there is, that's all I can give to her. I've felt this way (crazy about her) for about almost two weeks now.

I have started zoning out myself recently. Stepping back a bit. She has noticed it and she seemed to be upset about it. She thought that there was something she had done wrong and was sorry. I texted her that I had to step back a bit.

 

No fights with my husband. And to be honest, my sex life with him is awesome.

She didn't do anything. We always hug each other but nothing sexual. I remember when I hadn't seen her for a week last month, and when we met again, I hugged her tightly and pecked her on her neck. We've known each other for a year but we really became close these past 4 months. Maybe, it's like a seed that has grown to a tree? My feelings for her have been there from the start but only came out now? I don't know. I really do not know.

 

Nah. I don't want to involve my husband to what I'm going through. I'm open to him but it doesn't mean that I have to involve him. He would probably be alarmed because he might think that it will affect my role as a mum, and wife. So far, I'm very good at it and I know how to handle my emotions so that I cannot compromise my family affairs. My husband knows her as one of my friends. He knows that one day if time comes that I have to go all the way (romance and sex) with a woman, I will come and talk to him first so that he's aware. He's pretty cool with it. He just needs to be informed. It's called respect.

I have no plans on what to do. Maybe, I will just wait and see how things develop. But for now, I think the best way is to step back a bit. For my own hearts' sake and for our friendship. It's a bit difficult since we are workmates. Thankfully, I managed to arrange some days at work that we are not at the same department. At least I have 2 weeks working without her at the same department. It'll be very awkward, but I will try to act my normal self. My normal self with her is actually very friendly and lots of hugs here and there. That's why when all of these gestures receded, she couldn't help but to notice that they're gone. I'll keep this updated from time to time. I hope I won't mess up our friendship. Thanks Hushhh.

 

I do not have any clue if she's attracted to me because we're always sweet to each other. It's hard to know what's in her mind.

 

I am screwed. I know that! Hahaha!

I do not know what's going on. I do not believe that she ever flirted on me. By the way, I forgot to say that she just came into terms about her sexuality 5 months ago. She had 3 years long term relationship with her then-bestfriend years ago. She's not confused. She said that she's sure that she wanted both woman and man. She's 50/50. She said that she could consider marrying a woman. She said all of these but she was still hoping to find a man whom she could build a conventional family. She's not out to all and family isn't happy with her sexuality. I was her confidant during the time when she's into turmoil because of her family. I cheered her up. I gave her extra attention and had been there to make sure that she wouldn't do something stupid (like suicide which I found out later on that she did back in college due to some other problems). She was lousy and lazy in replying texts but because I saw her in distress, I decided to stay with her as a friend. She decided to come out to me because she thought I was openminded. She later on learned that I am bisexual too.

 

No, she has not contacted me. She was confused but she resigned on the thought that I was tired of her as being her friend and said that she understood. I told her stuff like I got her back and if she really needs help and nobody's around to be there for her, I'll be there for her. That's our last convo. That was Tuesday this week. Honestly, I don't think she's got a thing on me. Or maybe she is very good at hiding it. Anyway, I don't want to assume or hope so I'll just think that she's not into me. Besides, all I want atm is to cool off my burning desire. Calm my heart for a bit so that I can be normal again to face her.

 

Well I am assuming that she doesn't feel the same way. Looking back, I was always the first one to msg her. First one to initiate to go out and do something. I had been giving her extra attention. I would give her gifts even without any occasion. She always said thank you and how lucky she was to have me as her friend. I can't see any red flags to show me that she's attracted on me. Sucks!