Please please please take the time to read this, all thoughts and views appreciated greatly. Bit about me: I'm 16 believe I might be bi (closeted) and have had feelings towards my bestest friend. So I've had a really good friendship group of 3 people for about a year and a bit, previously both had been my friend/close friend but they hadn't been friends with each other. Recently someone else has now 'joined' our group (someone we've all also been friends with for a while). - I had a really good summer spending most of my time with my friend who I have feelings towards, our relationship is already confusing to me as we are very touchy and I see him act differently around me comoared to around others, we've also previously told each other we love each other but it was more jokey than serious yet at the same time he talks about girls and relationships (he's been in a few) so I'm confused over his feelings towards me. Anyway, since returning back to school in the past month I have found myself to be getting moody and zoning out, often feeling physically drained. Ive begun to notice that often my friendship group (all three of them) are spending a lot of time doing things within school without me (eg spending lunch together without telling me where they are yet I know they contact each other to meet up but don't contact me, they also joined a competition where groups of 3 were needed -clearly difficult as there are 4 of us- but I was the one not asked if I wanted to be in their group so I felt excluded) my mood towards them no switches from day to day, but I find myself studying their every move and finding some way in which they exclude me, this causes me to zone out of convos and activities as I continually mull over my thoughts. I've talked to my closest friend about my feeling of exclusion to which he struggled to reply. Perhaps my feelings and mood are due to or affected by this being my hardest school year yet. But I often feel no motivation to do anything which makes me feel worse, sometimes I find myself paranoid of what my friends do without me or that they are doing things without me and begin to feel that they enjoy it more when I'm not around, especially as my recent moodiness and dull feelings could possibly deflate their mood. I've been having this feelings and mood swings for just over a month now and I find myself concentrating on them and struggling to make sense of it all. It annoys me cause I feel helpless. What's going on with me? Sorry if this all seems abit jumbled, it represents how I'm thinking and how the words are coming out of my head. ---------- Post added 6th Oct 2016 at 11:51 PM ---------- I feel like they wouldn't realise if I completely left. I hate saying this stuff cause it sounds really desperate and cringey and embarrassing and like I'm attention seeking but I'm really not, I just don't know how to combat my thoughts.
