So there's this girl that I've liked for a really long time. It wasn't until this summer that I asked her to hang out with me. We've hung out twice, and both times I've enjoyed her company a lot, we have lots in common and have the same hobbies. We're both mountain bikers, so we connect with that. When I hung out with her the first time (we went rock climbing then grabbed lunch), I had the plan to ask her out formally if things were going well (which they totally were!) But then I asked for some reason, not really sure why, if she had a boyfriend. I was expecting no, but she nodded her head yes. AHH NO!! Up until this point, I was 100% SURE she was gay. She looks it, she acts it, and we just hit it off a little more than I would expect to with someone that wasn't gay. There was lots of eye contact throughout lunch and it was great. She asked me lots of questions about myself, and I did the same for her. We just clicked on a personal level but I feel like it was a little more than that. She didn't seem enthusiastic about the relationship (a little awkward about it actually) and gave absolutely no details, and I don't really know her enough yet to ask for more. I saw her at a race last weekend and her boyfriend was there and I didn't see them talk at all. What I'm wondering is if her current relationship is mirroring my 8th grade "relationship." I had a boyfriend for like a year, but there really wasn't anything there, I felt no emotional connection towards him (this was before I realized I was gay) and I wasn't the slightest bit sad when I left him. We were just dating because we could. We were friends, so might as well date, right? I'm thinking (hoping) that's the case with her. We've been texting a little bit, making some plans for a few weeks from now. I don't know if she's just being nice and wants to hang out as friends or if she wants to hang out because she likes me in the way I like her. I just don't know how to go about addressing this with her, or do I not? Do I just say, "I'm attracted to you... and I know you have a boyfriend... and if there is actual love between you two I don't want to interfere with that... but if there isn't, do I have a chance with you?" Like is that a horrible idea or should I go for it? I think about this girl all the time, and I just have a very hard time imagining her with a boy... like a really hard time. I just really need some advice! Thank you all!
Hiya, Sorry to hear that things went sideways so quickly. From what you say all you can really do is hang out with her and see what happens. It may be that she is in the closet or may be just that her current relationship is not going well. How do you identify your sexuality? On you profile you've got questioning - I mention it because you could mention that you are attracted to girls without telling her how you feel about her specifically. Then you could see how she reacts. Or does she know you that you can have feelings for girls? If she is in the closet then she may speak to you about this at some point if she knows. Alternatively, you could talk to her generally about LGBTQ+ stuff and see how she reacts - for example, 'I read in the newspaper about a state that is trying to stop same-sex marriages and I think it's terrible because....' or something and then state your opinion and then ask her opinion. Don't know if you normally talk about this stuff but something like that might give you some insight. I'm sorry to say but you are going to have to let her make any moves - if you make a move it could make very difficult for her and you particularly as you are just becoming friends, and if she is a lesbian or bi then she has to decide what she does about it. For yourself, can you try and keep busy so you don't think about her non-stop?
