Feeling ashamed of being nonbinary with straight boyfriend?

Okay so, I've been dating my current boyfriend for about 2 years now, I've known him for 4, but only over the past year have I been questioning my gender identity. I met him in late highschool when I was still identifying as a cis female and he has always been and is a straight male. We've made a lot of good progress I think so far, he's been very supportive of me when I told him I mostly usually feel agender/androgynous and he always encourages me to say how I feel about how he treats me and how I feel about my gender (even if sometimes he gets frustrated because he doesn't understand what it's like to just not know what I want or what feels good hahah). One of the nicest things he ever did when I first admitted to him how I felt was he took me shopping and let me follow him around the men's section and openly was like "this would look cute on you" even if I was acting embarrassed and trying to pretend we were just there for him.

Anyway though! Since I've been questioning and have started to become more comfortable with my fluidity and suppressing it less, I've found its more fluid than I originally thought it was. For the first time a few weeks ago a had a span of about several days where I really felt like a boy. I felt very awkward and dysphoric about it and was admittedly trying to dissociate from it so that I didn't seem different around my boyfriend. After that didn't work though and I told him how I felt though he seemed oddly dismissive of it and told me he hoped I'd feel more like myself soon...though I think this is also just because I personally didn't know how to react to it at the time either and seemed dissociative and like I was pushing him away so I think he thought I just didn't want him which upset him...

So! I'm not sure, I don't think his reaction upsets me so much considering it was new for both of us but... I think the reason I tried to dissociate was because I felt awkward for some reason knowing or feeling that my boyfriend had not consented to being in a relationship with another boy. I felt had I tried to express myself this way, he would ultimately reject me.

Does any of this make any sense? Has anyone else ever felt this way? I know I shouldn't supress any parts of myself, but I'm personally more concerned with not encroaching on his sense of self too? Is this okay? I think I'm going to try harder to learn how to communicate how I feel because I feel like that will make this all turn out better but yeah, does anyone else feel this way?

 

Thank you, I spoke to him about it actually and he said everything was fine because regardless, he has already consented to being in a relationship with me and just because I've found new words for how I feel doesn't mean I'm a different person from who he originally wanted to be with...

...as for my worry, I think he was just a bit tired of all the deep thinking and revelations though hahah. Thank you though!