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fears in planning for my future

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Blinko, Oct 15, 2016.

  1. Blinko

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    i need a little bit of venting and a little bit of reassurance...
    Well, i come from a very very religious family and an extremely homophobic country...men of the same age boldly say how they go to the extent of raping a woman if they found out about lesbian engagements...however, so far i have made peace with that as there is a long way to go in achieving rights here...i mind my own business and avoid topics that surround my sex and dating life to most friends and family because i get agitated by ignorant comments that come from people i treasure...However, i am turning twenty six very soon and i need to set my record straight and live freely with no inhibitions....my worry is that i might either be forced to live in a 'conventional' manner and miserably consent to marriage with a man to suit societal and family norms ...or live alone or with a 'female friend' while at the same time suffering from the 'unmarried status' that my community will hold against me.
    how do people that come from 'high context cultures' cope with such scenarios...i know it is a long way before my family, friends, community,country and even continent accept my kind of love but how do i go forward...i have my own place, a good job, but my dating life forwards just crashes my soul...ii do not want to hurt the people i love 'my family' while at the same time i do not want to live a lie....
     
  2. B a r e f o o t

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    Acceptance comes only very slowly to a society. I am in the U.S. which is supposed to be accepting, and we have protection under the law, yet many of us are persecuted. Some have even been murdered. So I wouldn't hold out too much hope that you will see reform anytime soon from the way you describe things there. The criteria you place on your situation, not wanting to hurt your family, having your own place (not likely wanting to leave your home or family) seems to leave you only one option, if you want to have a same sex relationship, and that is to do it in secret. I know that means "living a lie" but you have to do some soul searching and decide what is more important to you. Hurting someone, leaving, taking a chance on coming out (or partly), living alone or having a relationship in secret. But I expect you already know this and perhaps are looking for validation. No one can make the decision for you, nor can anyone change the circumstances. The only decision to be made is what type of compromise you can live with and unfortunately, only you can make that decision. I wish you well.
     
  3. Blinko

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    thanks blootsvoets...it feels good to be reassured that i am not entirely alone in my struggles...i was a bit oblivious to the conditions under which minority groups suffer even in 'liberal' cultures...maybe the same way i expect people to accept my way of life is the same way they expect me to understand their lack of knowledge and support for their ignorance on my orientation..yeah...i agree that i have to choose the lesser evil by making a compromise...thanks