So I've been in a relationship with this girl for nearly two years now and I wasn't out as trans for the vast majority of the time we were together. She used to identify as pansexual and has had a few boyfriends but her attraction has since gravitated away from boys and she pretty much just identifies as a lesbian at this point (though I remember that when I asked her once about her specific orientation she said she was homoflexible.) I know that she pretty much is only attracted to women and I did tell her about my feelings about being male quite some time ago. She reacted positively at first and said that I shouldn't be scared to tell her those kinds of things and that she'd still be with me, but she got visibly upset and said that she didn't know if things could ever be the same between us. I continued to identify as female because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable and I didn't want things to change between us. I kind of slowly started to shift identities and I let her continue to use female pronouns for me and she still referred to me as her girlfriend etc. She told me one day that she felt weird about my gender and that she felt like her "girlfriend was being taken away from her." I want to be completely out to her as a male and I want her to use male pronouns for me because it makes me uncomfortable when she calls me "she" or "my girlfriend" but I'm scared that she won't react well and that she'll get upset. I know she won't leave me but I think she might get upset and uncomfortable and I'm scared of that happening. Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated.
I think both of you deserve to be fully out and happy within your own skin, gender and sexuality, but it may mean that you have to go down a different path though. I have a transgender friend who used to be in a lesbian relationship. They were together for years and seemed to really love each other but at the end of the day his girlfriend was a lesbian and he was a man and as much as they loved each other this just couldn't work out. It doesn't seem like your girlfriend is currently accepting of how you identify and I seriously doubt that she'll be accepting when the time come for you to fully come out to her as transgender. I think you should sit her down and tell her that deep down you know you are a man and ask her if she would feel comfortable dating you as a man. If she can't then maybe it's better to part ways now that later down the road. After all she can't change your gender and you can't really change her sexuality. Hopefully I am wrong and she accepts you though OP, hugs to you x (*hug*)
