Ok, I am gonna apologise for the longish post in advance. So I met this guy a little over a year and a half ago. I thought he was cute, but I told myself not to get attached to him because he is a stereotypical jock kinda guy (or so I thought) which meant that he was straight. We met during auditions for vocal ensemble in the last 2 weeks of school. I didn't really talk to him all that much since I didn't know him. We both got into ensemble, and we both got put as tenors. This, combined with the fact that I then had 3 classes with him, allowed me to get to know him a lot more. We became decent friends. I wouldn't say that we were great friends because we still had our seperate friend groups, but we would talk and tease each other a lot like normal guy behavior. Unfortunately, everyone in ensemble has to become super close to each other because we spend half of the school year with each other, so guys can spoon other guys, or show their junk to another guy and it not be considered gay. This makes it even harder for me to figure out. Then towards the end of last school year, we started messaging on Facebook and snapping each other a lot. We would talk about some funny stuff, but we would also talk about some pretty personal stuff too. Things started getting a little more confusing for me once we hit this year. He keeps saying that he hates me (which he obviously doesn't) and teases me all the time. I would just brush it off as him being a jock, but things changed recently. During National Coming Out Day, he came out as bi. This basically changed everything. Now I'm confused if he actually likes me, or if I'm just reading into things too much, and to make things even more complicated, he doesn't even know I'm gay (but in retrospect, he probably does since everyone at my school basically thinks it at this point). I feel like I'm trying to make my feelings for him obvious, but I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to ask is: Do you think he is flirting with me or do you think he is just being himself? I want to pursue things further if you guys think he is, but since I never really have had a boyfriend before I don't really know how to approach it. Thank you in advance for any insight on this! (Ugh. AP Engligh really has made me sound like a nerd when I write now. :lol
Hey St0rm, Is there some reason you can't just ask him? If he's openly bi and you're openly gay, it's not like you have to dance around the sexuality issue. If you can't just ask him, could you approach it from the angle of asking him who (if anyone) at school he DOES have a crush on? Take Care.
Like Quantum wrote, you should be saying "yeah, I'm gay (too)..." First, you're in school. Your profile states that your "out" to 10-15 people at school, so in my area that would mean your "out" basically to everyone, as you kind of indicated. So he's probably figured it out. I don't think you go from "friend" directly to "boyfriend," but you should tell him that since he's come out as "bi," you kind of think of him a little differently, or at least you're more inclined to tell him he's cute. There isn't any special way to approach it. Just start one step at a time. He has now said he's not going to be offended, if another guy looks at him in a sexual kind of way. So you just kind of accept that invitation to look a little more openly, and expand your topics of conversation a bit. Maybe your friendship will expand in that direction. It could even get more serious than that eventually. Good luck! And don't forget to update us on how you're doing. After all, that's one reason we read and respond to these threads...to see how things actually turn out. :icon_bigg
Story lorry here just looking for updates. My advice: 1. Open and honest communication. Poor communication and lying give birth to bad outcomes.
I thank you guys for the imput. I see now that it was kinda stupid of me to never even think about asking him. I guess since I never really had someone I could ask (due to them being straight and/or taken), I completely forgot that it was an option. Its funny how things so simple seem so foreign to people unfamiliar with them. I was planning on coming out to my family last week, but a family crisis happened, and I figured it was better to wait a bit longer before doing so. I'm just trying to find the right time to do it now. I just hope I can do it before I loose this confidence in myself I have right now. Also, I am planning on asking him if he does like me whenever I get some alone time with him again. It's not often I do get it since we usually hang out with the rest of ensemble as a whole, but I'm gonna try asking him to give me rides to/from things we have together (student council, chem club, and in the spring, volleyball). I thank you guys again for the advice. I feel so naive when it comes to this stuff and especially since I'm a person that likes to know how things are gonna work out before hand, relationships are hard for me. It's nice to know I'll have support here even if all else fails.
Hey St0rm, That's what we're here for. To help you with an objective (and hopefully experienced) point of view. Keep in mind that you should first be looking to be friends with him, as faustian1 said. If you are compatible as friends (i.e. have things in common, get along personality-wise, etc), THEN you could potentially look at possibly becoming bfs. Don't get ahead of yourself, but also don't be afraid to move forward on this. If it doesn't work out, at least you will have gained experience and that is always a good thing. Best of luck! Take Care.
So yeah. I never updated this after that last post. So basically nothing ever happened between him and I. I was so caught up in my feelings for him that I completely ignored the fact that he smokes marijuana, drinks alcohol occasionally, and is a die hard atheist. That's basically the exact opposite of what I look for in a guy. So I decided to never ask him or anything and just continue being friends. We don't talk all that often anymore, especially since my choir director has been being a real jerk lately not even letting us say 2 words to each other in between excersises or songs, and that's the only class I have with him. Thanks again everyone for advice and I'm sorry it took so long to respond. Hopefully I'll get to put your advice into practice later once I'm ready to ask another guy.
Hey St0rm, Thanks for the update. It sounds like you did some thinking before acting. That's really good. I hope you can find yourself a bf before too long!
