I told my transgender ftm friend that I liked him in a romantic way, however; the feeling is unrequited. We're still friends but I'm a little down about it, as I'm really bad at meeting new people so I'll probably never find someone I'll love and will love me in return. It sounds stupid, I know, but I'm not just being the petrachanesque lover declaring my sorrows. I'm more confused about the difference between the feeling of platonic attraction and romantic attraction. I understand the difference is that platonic is a desire of a strong friendship whereas romantic is the desire for being partners, but I can't tell the difference between the feeling. I don't know if I actually am romantically attracted to him or platonically, and that's what's bugging me the most. Any advice is appreciated <3
Ok, I'm confused. How can you be aro ace if you're attracted to people? This definitely sounds like romantic attraction so maybe it's your first time? I know I wouldn't think of just a friend that way.
Ah sorry, I figured out I was demiromantic a while back and haven't really bothered with updating my profile. Sorry for the confusion
Oh ok, that makes sense then. It must have been confusing to figure out something like that. I'm sorry your feelings were unrequited by the way.
Ok, I realized that my advice wasn't the best. So I'll try again. The easiest way to tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings is how deep the feelings go. With someone I'm romantically attracted to, I get butterflies in my stomach, fantasize about being in a relationship with them, going on dates with them, kissing them, maybe marrying and having children if you're into that. There's also a sense of jealousy you wouldn't get with other friends, a sense of nervousness/longing you wouldn't get with other friends, and feeling pain if you realize they're interested in someone else (or not you at all). With platonic friends, I feel none of this. There are no romantic fantasies, there are no nervous butterflies, there is no sense of being crushed when they start dating other people, and so on. All of this can apply to non-sexual romantic attraction.
Well I definitely imagined a future with him, taking him on dates and feeling really guilty for being jealous of their ex. Thanks for the help
So as I have slowly been learning about demisexuality, which I also identify as, I have realized it is the primary reasoning behind my trouble dating... I had already had issues in the past with only wanting to date a very select number of my peers.. But never understanding why... I can remember when I would hear guys talking about wanting to fuck this movie star or that one, I would think, that just sounds awkward... I dont even know them lol... Always thinking they were just saying that to sound macho, not realizing they actually wanted to fuck them lol... I was the odd man out, and I finally understood why... I am bringing all that up, because of one point I left out. While it has caused a lot of problems for me that I never fully understood until I learned about demisexuality, now that I know about demisexuality I can work with it... I would use the metaphor of it being like AS. If you dont know you have Aspberger's it can be really hard to cope with, once you know about it, you can learn to cope... Now that I know about demisexuality I can learn to "cope" with it lol.. So far I have only been able to think of 2 suggestions dating as a demi... First of all, play the numbers game when your looking for someone... So go into it understanding that you wont have feelings at first. Consider even going into it just looking for friends at first, which is an option on alot of online dating sites I believe... Then hope feelings develop for someone. You can cut the numbers down by recognizing traits you dislike and traits you like... The other suggestion is to be more open to dating, as in even if you dont feel romantic attraction with someone and the opportunity to go out with them arises, go out with them... You may develop feelings. As for the confused feelings, I have always seen the attractions very similar, with romantic attraction extending far beyond though... As in with romantic attraction, I cant think of anything I would not want the person around for... with platonic, I dont want them there if I am sick or showering or something... Plus of course the difference between wanting to be intimate and not.. I will say what confused me was when the platonic attractions developed into romantic ones... It isnt sudden, it is gradual... Its not like one day you just want to be friend, the next you want to be intimate.. So during that transition things can be very confusing... I am sorry your feelings were unrequited, I can definitely empathize... I hated that, because it was so uncommon for me to want to be with someone like that, that when I find someone I want to be with, it is so incredibly disappointing if they dont want to be... It can already be so difficult to find someone who I develop feelings for.. Here is a pretty good song on that very topic... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjiyjYCwNyY Anyways, I know I sort of just rambled about demisexuality, if I didnt address something you want me to, let me know... I hope things work out... Or rather, I hope you can find someone who you are romantically interested in AND is romantically interested in you
