Okey then. I know I'm making a lot threads, but who doesn't seek, won't find. So I'm at a new university. There is a guy, let's call him J. On one of the first days, he randomly chatted me up, and we made really good friends, I think, we are so like minded that it seems impossible that he just randomly chatted me up. Same interests, same wavelength. We both didn't have friends from a previous school there, so we spent the rest of the day hanging out together and chatting. I fell for him. I'm ashamed to talk to him, and say hi to him every time I spot him. Because I'm afraid he will perceive it as stalking. I tend to get very excited when I meet him. I know I spot him all the time, because I have a crush on him. But back on topic of the day we spent together. The course is extremely male-dominated, and he complained a bit that there are so few girls, and asked me how I put up with it , ha ha. I present as a somewhat androgynous woman. I have chin-length hair, wear a leather jacket or a military coat, no too much make-up, depending on my mood, I might wear guyliner or not, or paint my nails, but in general, I have a man-purse and can't remeber the last time I wore feminine shoes not to a party, and my trousers are a tad loose. I walk like a dude, talk like a dude, move like a dude, put my hands into pockets... And I'm a girl, have a girl name, the body of a girl etc. Anyway. He complained about the insufficient number of girls, and to me it seemed like he liked to socialise with girls rather than guys, but it might be just that I prefer to socialise with guys and thought he has the same motivations. He seemed a bit girly to me, spoke with a bit of inflection (not sure if he didn't pick it up from me, I sometimes speak in a "flamboyant" manner, and I was already falling for him, and felt flirtatious, and like I want to be sweet to him), hand somewhat feminine hand movements, and I didn't feel the sexual tension. I asked myself if he's not gay, but I have a bias, I'm bi myself. (And... I very well know people ask themselves if I'm not lesbian too...) Anyway, I don't know if he feels the same way. That's the conclusion. He asked me in a bit embaressed manner now as I think about it, if we could eat lunch together. I agreed. We went eat the lunch, and it was fun to talk to him. And we hang out together till the end of the day. And... the next day, I met him, I confused classrooms, and he helped me out with the schedule, and... he hugged me in a way. He got so close. It felt good. It was The Touch. Was he...? Was it intentional? How would you read it? His behaviour? Was it like... let's be friends, or can a "stalk" him? Also, if he is into me, then I imagine he doesn't want to stalk me either if I don't wish that. So maybe by not chatting him up, I'm giving the signal I don't like him? I hope not. Another problem: I don't know him very well. It's quite superficial, although... we seem to understand each other so well... I don't know.
emerry, I think you're going through a common experience when new to a university, and that this crush would be normal given the circumstance. I hope you don't feel ashamed in a way that you're sorry for your feelings. In any event (whether he likes you or not) don't feel ashamed for who you are. He may be into you, but he also has indicated that he wanted to see more girls in class. I would take that as a sign of him being straight, but it's possible to read too much into it. He may be bisexual, or he may feel he needs to "act" straight. The tender embrace you felt seems to indicate that he feels very comfortable with you, even if he is straight. It's possible that he's quite lonely, and that just having that connection with someone is really important to him. You could be very important to him despite his sexual orientation. My advice is to deepen the friendship and get more comfortable with him. You might ask him to lunch again, and share a bit more about yourself. See if he shares more about himself, and how it all goes. You should get more context about who he is, and you will see him gaining context about you. After sharing a bit more about yourself and learning more about him I would make a decision then whether to come out to him. I hope it goes well! Please keep us posted. *warm hugs* Patrick Seattle, WA
Thank you for advice, Patrick. You're completely right, it's normal to crush in such a situation, given how alone we both are, and that we understand each other pretty well. I'm not sure where it's going, but I approached him a bit. I'm not sure if I'm not stalking, but he doesn't seem unhappy about it. I chatted him up once "I didn't see you for a long time" (which was true) and he was like "I thought you forgot about me, I notice you all the time" and another time I found him and asked him to help me with some homework, and he... invited me out? We are hanging out toghether a lot, and making friends. It's not clear to me where it's going, but it might not be clear to him either, and I think it doesn't really matter. Getting to know each other better, like you said. It looks like the alright track.
Sounds good to me. hanging out, talking, doing things together, getting to know each other - that's a great way to make a lifelong friend and, a great way to see if you might be more than friends too.
Long story short, he's mostly gay but looks like he's into me and is accepting of my gender identity and even encouraging me to dress like a guy (I want to). I have no idea how that happened. It looks like a cosmic coincidence.
