I think my cis boyfriend sees me as a girl,,

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly reminded of how my significant other can't understand or might constantly invalidate who I really am, it seems like quite a toxic relationship imo. Sorry if this isn't good advice, I just want to help!

 

I disagree with Nihilist1998 that it's a toxic relationship. Your boyfriend met you and fell in love with you when you still identified as a female. It is entirely okay for you to redifine yourself as agender but you can't expect your boyfriend to change his sexual orientation for you. He was most likely was straight when you met him and got together with him and there is, I am afraid, no changing that.
It's normal you want support from him and I actually think he's being quite supportive here, but you can't really begrudge him the fact that he may not have wanted to date you had you been born a man.

I have a very close transgender friend who used to be in a lesbian relationship with a lesbian until he realized he actually was a man and took the decision to go through the whole process of taking testosterone and else. Him and his girlfriend were very much in love but at the end of the day his girlfriend was a lesbian and as much as she loved him, she just wasn't attracted to men or the male body and I don't there is anything wrong with that or that it meant she didn't truly love him. His true gender and her sexual orientation were just not compatible.

It seems to me like your boyfriend is actually trying really hard to understand and accept you how you are and your wishes regarding how he sees you which is very good. You really need to keep in mind that gender binarism is a concept really hard to grasp for this people. While I am fully accepting of all gender and sexual orientation, I absolutely have no clue what being agender entails or feel like. From what I get it means that you don't associate with any of the two genders and while I would be 100% supportive of you if you were my partner, I would still have no idea what being agender feel like and a really hard time understanding the concept and relating to it, which means that while I would definitely you the pronouns you would want me to use, I would most likely still see you as the gender you were born as even though I would understand you don't feel associated with it. (It's probably different with a trans person because you actually see them turn into either a man or a woman so you've got that usual repair while I would assume agender people are just mostly androgyne looking people ? )


In other words, my advice for you would be to be patient, you've got a supportive boyfriend who seem to be trying his best to come to term with your gender identity. Give him some credit and some time to adjust.

Ps: Sorry if anything I said came up as offensive in anyway, that's definitely not my goal but as I say I am really ignorant regarding agender etc... so just trying to help you see your boyfriend's side (maybe). Maybe you can give me a bit more info about being agender/your expectations etc... so that I learn a bit about it and don't feel so ignorant in the future!

Good luck OP x

 

I'm in a similar situation actually. Most of the time I feel agender or androgynous, but I was identifying as female when I met my current boyfriend as well. I don't believe he sounds like a toxic person though I agree with Linning that he may just need some time to adjust. My boyfriend, for example, is very accepting and has begun gendering me differently especially when we are just casually interacting- he said I'm still the same person I was when we met I just found something better to describe myself. However, due to the way he treats me sexually, I also have reason to believe he still objectifies my body as inherently female gendered. We've been together several years so although it sometimes makes me feel a bit trapped or dysphoric, I realize it's mostly just a habitual or involuntary reaction. I just make sure to reinforce how I feel often and explain how I prefer to be treated instead