I'm bisexual, my best friend is straight. I've known her for a little over five years and we are extremely close. Neither of us ever had a real friend before we met so she's the most important person in my life. My case is the typical one: I like her. Quite a bit, actually. I never really questioned my sexuality until a year ago. I have nobody else I trust enough to talk to about this sort of thing, so I opened up to her and she helped me come to terms with it. After this, I realized that my feelings for her weren't just "wow, this person is great" and more like "huh, she's hot". It all went downhill after that for me and eventually I gathered up the courage to text her one night saying I had something important to tell her. I wrote this long email being as honest as possible and sent it to her. She was absolutely fine with it and nothing's changed, which I am so grateful for. Obviously the issue here, for me, is that she doesn't like me back, and I'm fairly certain she will never like me in that way. I've asked her how she feels about being in a same sex relationship and she said it made her feel uncomfortable. She acts very straight and shows literally zero attraction towards other women, but she still acts different around me than her other female friends. For example, the last time we saw each other she asked if I would go to a haunted house with her, so that's what we did. The entire time she held my hand and said afterwards it was because she was scared. She also often grabs my hand when we're walking next to each other, and when I stay at her apartment, which happens to be a one bedroom, we share the bed and I always wake up with her next to me. Basically, she's very handsy and she doesn't do any of these things to her other friends, just me. Another thing that confuses me is the flirting. She'll say things like "I love you" or "I miss you", ask if she looks good wearing something, etc. I'll admit I flirt back, but why not? And the nail in the coffin was earlier this year, we got deep into some conversation at the middle of the night and I asked, albeit jokingly, "am I attractive" and she said "obviously you're attractive, I would be dating you if I was gay". This made me so excited because it made me think that maybe there was a small chance she did like me, but I have nothing else to go on. So I have no idea what to do with these feelings. What do you think about this? Help me, please. :bang:
There are so many posts here on people who are falling in love with their straight best friends. You keep wanting to see evidence that she is gay, but it's clear to me from your description that she's not. She keeps telling you too, but then holds your hand and confuses you all over again. Unfortunately, the problem here is you, not her. I think you're going to have to just get comfortable with the idea that she can be your friend, even your best friend, but that it will never turn into something more, no matter what "signs" you think you are seeing. I would suggest that you have a separation period to allow your feelings for her to diminish, and then see if you can resume a "best friends" type of relationship. Just my 2 cents.
Thank you for your input. I know there's a lot of posts like it, but I wanted an opinion specific to my situation. My feelings have been diminishing gradually and she is totally fine with it so I guess I just needed confirmation that I was imagining everything.
I agree with the other poster here. Falling for straight friends is a terrible thing to go through; they're affectionate and attentive and you think there's a possibility that something more could happen but the truth is that they only see you as a friend. Hopefully the feelings will gradually go away as time goes on and you'll slowly accept that she'll just be your friend.
