I have a friend from Moldova who is studying here in Italy and over the past few months we became really good friends and I've become very fond of him in a brotherly sort of way. He's just so sweet and naive especially when he tries to speak in Italian (he doesn't understand English) and flaps his arms around. Since he is slightly Russian in terms of thinking (he also speaks Russian extremely well) despite disagreeing with Russian politics I guessed he would be anti-LGBT. I'm fine with anti-LGBT in the sense that I am not going to spend my time trying to indoctrinate someone to my way of thinking when they were born in a country which has a very low record for LGBT rights. But I underestimated his homophobia. He was talking with me and a bunch of others how he believes that gay people are diseased and how in Moldova ''if someone gay came in, I believe they would be killed at once''. He sounded quite self-satisfied when he said it and I was slightly unsettled. He went on to explain that it was not right for children to see two men and women together. I'll make it clear when I say it that I've been on the receiving end of homophobia but never with someone who I consider as a very close friend. He genuinely hates gays or is at least disgusted by the bedroom action - I caught that with the tone of voice he was using. I do care about this a lot because another person who knows the Moldovan guy knows I am gay. He is also homophobic but to a lesser extent, yet he has already tried to out me once in front of him (and if he does that shit again I'll punch his nuts off - no kidding). I don't want to lose his friendship as he is good company and he's only here for six months. Secondly he values me very highly, and messages me almost every day wanting to hang out. As a person, he is very sweet, which sounds strange given what I just wrote about him. If he finds out we will definitely drift apart because a.) He'll be disgusted and will distance himself b.) He'll be extremely awkward given the things he said about gays in front of me - I think this is more likely as we both share a close bond of friendship In fact I'm not even sure he'd believe it if I told him. The guy who wants to out me refused to believe it either. I'm not sure what I want to get out of this thread since technically there's not much to do except hope for the best or ditch him. But I was slightly upset that his homophobia was that bad. I thought at most he disagreed with gay marriage and adoptions. Oh well.
I really hope it works out in your favour. I think it depends on how much you can tolerate their homophobic attitudes, but personally for me, I wouldn't hang out with these people period. However, I'm more sensitive than other dudes, so it really comes down to how much you can tolerate their views.
Hopefully you can hold off the guy who wants to out you and maybe try and turn your friend to a slightly more liberal attitude. If you can try and subtley open him up a bit then if he does find out then hopefully he would be able to sort of deal with it. Hopefully you know him well enough by now to know how to challenge his views slightly but not enough to offend him.
Personally...I tend to pull away from homophobic people. I understand that they are entitled to feel the way they do but I don't have to be in their company especially when it causing me to be uncomfortable and offending me as a gay human being. The thing that I come to realize is that its very difficult to keep a friendship a homophobic person no matter how great their other attributes are because you will never be on one accord with them due to the differences and points of views in regards to sexuality. Therefore, why even bother??? ...but that's how I see it being in the company of a homophobic individual...you will never win them over...done deal...just sayin'
Well it's not something he talks about in all the time I've known him. He brought it up randomly in conversation (we were discussing pros and cons of being within the EU) and accepting LGBT peeps is something Moldova refuses to do in order to join the EU and the vast majority of the people living there are of that mentality. ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2016 at 11:10 AM ---------- He doesn't make me uncomfortable, I was mostly surprise at the level of disapproval. I do not like him any less for it even if I do not agree with his viewpoints. He's from Moldova, which is filled with Russians and Romanians so this mentality is common. He only brought the subject once when we were discussing Moldova's reasons for not being enthusiastic about joining the EU (because they loathe LGBT peeps). That would be funny, as I'm even more right-wing than he is but even if it weren't the case, he's involved in politics with the right-wing party of Moldova. He'd practically have to switch parties to do that. ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2016 at 11:11 AM ---------- Screen lagged (thought I lost my post and re-posted). Derp.
Well...from what you've stated about him...then there's no problem as long as you are okay with it and it doesn't make you uncomfortable. At the end of the day...only you really knows about what this situation really entails. I can really only speak for myself who is just responding to the fact that when you mentioned the word "homophobic". I have a cousin who has been very close to me since we were children. However, once I came out as gay...he revealed to me that he was very homophobic. He would always make nasty and rude remarks about gay people and how much he doesn't like them but would always end his conversation with ...."but I love you because you are my cousin". Nonetheless...it did not take me long to realize that he was full of b.s. and eventually he did tell me that he has a lot of difficulty dealing with me being gay. In fact, his whole family came out against me for being gay and I was closer to them than my own family. Furthermore...it was his sister who took me to my first gay club. All in all...that is why I responded the way I did to your post. Yet again...if you are fine with it and you can overlook his homophobic ways and not let it strain your friendship as a whole...then good for you and I wish you the best...
I'm not easy to make friends with, so I accepted him the way he is despite the situation being slightly weird initially. We went out and drank wine the other day, and talked. I like his company for sure even if I don't agree with his feelings on LGBT folk. Eitherway I'm used to it. My parents are also homophobic, along with my extended family. Most old-generation folk here are homophobic for religious reasons mainly although it doesn't run too deep.
