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When you partner is not affectionate by nature

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Friesian, Oct 30, 2016.

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  1. Friesian

    Friesian
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    I have a friend who I am very close to and we have a strong emotional bond. We've started dating, if you will, and getting to know each other better. We are at a stage where we just want to be around one another. I've known her for several years but recently been pursuing her more intimately and she has responded in kind.

    She has told me she's not an affectionate person and never has been. She receives my touch and my affection. However, she tells me she can only cuddle for about 5 minutes and then that's enough. I really don't know how to navigate this - it is unfamiliar territory to me. I am a very affectionate person and feel stifled if I can show love in this manner.

    I don't want to have sex and I haven't asked, but I hope she doesn't expect me too. I like everything else like cuddling, being physically close, touching hands or massaging etc - but I'm not looking for sexual. These other physical gestures make her feel uncomfortable yet I find them the way I communicate my love!

    How do people navigate physical intimacy when they don't want affection? Haha, why does this seem so confusing to me :slight_smile:

    She spent the night this weekend and I just couldn't make a move to be closer to her because I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. She moved right up next to me and laid a pillow on my shoulder, then put her head on the pillow. This is as close as she was willing to get...then we feel asleep. It was so sweet because I know she struggles with this but she knows I love affection - so she did the best she could :thumbsup: I suppose just because I felt frustrated that I couldn't love on her through touch doesn't mean she didn't feel my love. But this makes me feel like I have no bridge to walk to her.

    What are some ways to show someone who is not affectionate that you love them? Respecting that they don't want to be touched I assume would be one.

    Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? Ever been with a partner who doesn't communicate through physical touch and if so, how did you show your love?
     
    #1 Friesian, Oct 30, 2016
  2. DAFriend

    DAFriend
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    You are probably going to have to talk about her reasons behind her reluctance to show affection or, be cuddled for long.

    It might be something you can work on together or, it might be a big red flag in her closet somewhere that isn't going to change, even if she wants it to and, you'll have to find ways to work around it and, deal with it.
     
    #2 DAFriend, Oct 30, 2016
  3. Gleeko0

    Gleeko0
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    I think I can contribute with an advice coming from tips about dealing with my own self. I'm certainly not the most affectionate person out there, but I do love affection. I think some people, like me and your partner, tjus need a bigger amount of space. Of course, anything in excess is bad, including space. I think you can increment the amount of affection you share with her until you've reached the balance between your needs and his/her needs. Talk about it, see how it goes. You seem aware and certainly caring about mutual comfort in this aspect, so I'm sure you'll deal well with this.
     
    #3 Gleeko0, Oct 30, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2016
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