Hi. I'm a newly out to myself ftm. I'm 41 and live at home with my parents. I love with them because I can't afford rent on my salary. My mother has some undiagnosed mental illness. She refuses to get help because she doesn't think anything is wrong. She has always bullied and controlled me. If I tried to take control over something and she didn't like the decision I made then she would put me down by calling me names until I have in and did what she wanted. Over the course of my life I learned to do what she wanted to keep the peace. Since I just came out to myself I realize. I need to get a hair cut, mans clothes, a binder and eventually testosterone and top surgery. I know she believes that genitals make someone male or female. I know because my ex was ftm and transitioned while we were a couple. My parents first met him as a woman and even though he asked to be called he they still called him she and sometimes it. But for her own daughter to become a man would just cause her to flip out like she has never done. At the same time,i can't continue to hide in the closet foever. It bothers me I can't wear mens clothes, bind and have short hair. I desperately need advice.
There comes a time in everyone's life when the have to do what's right for themselves and, no one else. It's the hardest thing in the world do do act with a total disregard for the effect it's going to have on anyone, yourself included. Your only comfort being that you know it's what you need to do and, it will be better in the long run. When I did it, it meant loosing friends, family and home and, doing it knowing I would never get my birth family back. I knew I would be legally disowned and I was. My biological parents went so far as to have my birth certificate amended to "Unknown" in every box possible. So, I would say just do it, consequences be damned. Yes it's going to be a very rough road but, I made it through and, have an amazing life now, you will too. it might take years of rebuilding but, you know blood does not a family make. I've got an amazing family now, none by blood but, that doesn't matter.
This is so familiar. The word "pleasing" is often used, some people want you to "please " them and punish you if you wont. Often these people are narcissists. Sometimes they are alcoholics. And I am starting to suspect people with aspergers/autism can behave like this too You need to find a better place to live. She is going to keep "using" you this way to "please" her. It becomes like an addiction, and its extremely unhealthy for her, and you Please seek help. I recommend Al-Anon. I also recommend ACOA (adult children of alcholic and dysfunctional families), studying codependency, maybe CODA And perhaps seeking a therapist if you can find a good one to sort out what is going on with your mom, and how it is effecting YOU Take good care!!! And hopefully with help, you will learn to detach. You can be happy, no matter what is going on with anyone else take care! ---------- Post added 30th Oct 2016 at 10:30 AM ---------- @Dafriend I'm so sorry you went through that!!! I am so amazed and happy for you that you have a great life now!! I'm jealous too "My biological parents went so far as to have my birth certificate amended to "Unknown" in every box possible" Dude I'm so glad to learn this. I'm going to go back and use this to delete out some of them ...soon as I can afford it t/c
