Hey all. I have only ever 'loved' one guy before, and that didn't end too well because he ended up breaking it off with me without telling me why... Regardless, I'm clearly someone who gets burned and then continues to play with fire because recently he's come back into my life after not speaking with me for 4 months and I decide to go along with it. I'm trying to be cautious, because I know there's a chance he'll just stop talking to me... like last time. I'm keeping him at an 'arms length' but I just can't help and love this guy.. a lot. i have serious feelings for this guy. The problem is.. I'm terrified of him leaving me again like last time.. because i don't even know what made him leave last time. I've tried tot all about it but he keeps shutting me down. The only thing he has said to me is that he "Knows he was a dick, and he's sorry". Everything i do.. I can't help but feel like he's gonna ditch me again... I hate this!!! I had a hair cut and it was a little shorter than i would have liked it and he saw me last night.. after that I feel like he's gonna leave me again.. I have tremendous anxiety... Please help!
Trust your instincts. A certain personality type, or several of them, are prone to "abandonment". Watch out for it. Some people, abandon people. Chronically. These types also tend to also be codependent. Codependent relationships are Extra sticky, and if you get caught up in one, you may lose your ability to maintain healthy boundaries. I highly suggest getting more emotional support in your life, and also working on building up your emotional / spiritual strength and muscle. Take care!!!! p.s. i highly recommend studying about codependency. You might also want to drop by CODA, it can be very helpful. Take care!!! (and if you qualify, definitely check out al-anon (they are very good at healthy boundaries, and detaching with love
I have to say that in all honesty...because you decided to let things go from him leaving you before and start anew without finding out the reason why he left you in the first place...this is driving you crazy from panicking as well as being fearful that it may happen again. Therefore, because the way you've described your behavior in your post, I don't think you can be relaxed or focus on the relationship due to you being worried about what may happen which is not a good way to be. I'm going to keep it real and honest with you right now and I am not trying to be offensive towards you. I am more concern about you as opposed to maintaining a relationship with this guy because at the rate you are going...you can cause a lot of harm to yourself by letting this situation get the best of you where you could eventually wind up being sick or having a nervous/mental breakdown. At the end of the day...if he leaves you again..there is nothing you can do to stop it especially if he has left you before. I know you probably don't want to hear this or may even get offended by me saying this but no one is worth you taking yourself through this. There are too many guys out there who will love you for you and stick by you wholeheartedly and genuine. You are in a codependent relationship so it seems from what you've mentioned in your post and this is not a good thing especially for you. Furthermore...its very apparent that the explanation that he had given you in regards to why he left the first time is not a valid explanation and I feel this is partially due to your having a lot of anxiety issues because deep down...you are not satisfied with this explanation either but you are mostly afraid of demanding a better explanation which will probably cause problems and he will leave again. My hope is for you to consider seeking some help dealing with this where you will be able to acknowledge your worth by building your self esteem, your confidence to know that you deserve better and can achieve better and not settle for anything. Best wishes...JS
What do you know... He's disappeared again. Honestly feel like killing myself, he was the only person I could relate too and the first person I have ever loved. He's gone and I set myself up for it! Need a serious chat to myself or 5 shots of tequila.
Hey ScottRhys, Give yourself that serious chat AND 5 shots of tequila. Then wakeup tomorrow morning and take stock of the lessons that you learned from this. You're young, there will definitely be other guys. Just make sure you use this experience to your advantage in the longrun. To be honest, one clear lesson to learn is, as falconfalcon said, trust your instincts. You described in your OP exactly why you shouldn't have let yourself get involved with him again. Second, if you haven't already done so, do a little research on codependency as both falconfalcon and JonSomebody recommended. Knowing yourself better could be another very useful lesson to take away from this. Third, don't dwell on this. Perhaps it's a blessing in disguise that he left you so quickly that you didn't really even have a chance to reinvest emotionally in him. Best of luck!
ScottRhys, I've had something similar happen to me that I've posted on here. I had an 18 year friendship with a guy all my life and we ended up becoming sexual with each other for 10 months... One day out of the blue, no arguments or disagreements or anything like that he just blocked me from his life, avoided me and completely ignored me and any attempts to get answers... This friend of mine would never admit he was bisexual though even though we'd be extremely intimate and romantic with each other, so I'm not sure the same thing applies here (if your friend is openly bisexual or if he's not admitting it) but it could be he keeps getting scared and running away from his true feelings, or of course it may be that he knows you're an easy touch and knows that no matter what he does or how many times he leaves without a goodbye you'll always have him back (and hey, that's a hard situation too because we can't help who we love, right? Even if they are twats). My advice would be to let yourself heal over time, questions and anxieties will be running through your head at seemingly impossible speed leaving your frustrated, angry and deeply hurt (speaking from experience with my friend, who I've still not heard from in over 18 months and doubt I will) and this will only make you feel worse. As easier said than done as this is, you need to try and accept what he's done again, have a serious think about whether you wish to keep feeling like this and then come to a decision that as much as you love him, for all his flaws and his good qualities that you know deep down he has, is it all worth it? Do you intend on being treated like a mug for the rest of your life? Or do you want to be treated better by someone who's consistent, loyal and cares about you? I really hope you're ok and if it's any consolation, I still find myself in the same boat of trying to get over what someone whom I loved so much did to me especially after 18 years of friendship and knowing each other since we were 3. It can be hard, I may still sob and cry because I don't understand why he did it and because I miss him but in the end I have to reassure myself that this wasn't anything to do with me, it was his own internal battle. You deserve better and I hope you're able to find someone who's more content in themselves to treat you right.
You are allowed to take those 5 shots and give yourself harsh and truthful talk. However, do not let someone who has already shown you his true colors make you have thoughts of severe despair that you want to kill yourself. At the end of the day...if you even do something to harm yourself it is not going to stop him for being the individual that he is. In other words...his life is not going to be put on hold because you want to attempt self harm to yourself because you are heartbroken. Love yourself first and foremost because no one can love you more than you. Like you have mentioned in your initial post awhile back that he has done this before and you have allowed him to come back in your life to do it again. As Quantumreality had mentioned in his response to you that this is a blessing in disguise but its up to you to acknowledge it and move on because I truly believe there is always something better if you just open yourself up to realize it and embrace it when it comes into your life. At the end of the day...what's done is done and now its time to let it go for good.
I really like this, and in turn you have gave some advice that I think I can take away as well. Thank you JonSomebody.
