My BF sometimes randomly pushes me away

I haven't been in a *very* similar situation, but I have had to deal with close friends whose insecurities would make them suspicious and cold towards me for no apparent reason. All I can say is that, if you know this relationship is worth it, then you're doing the right thing by supporting your BF. **However**, it's not your job to "fix him" or be an emotional punching bag. Your health is important too. I would suggest that you talk to him about it when he's "normal", explain that you support him but also how much this affects you too. Maybe let him know that there is help available, it sounds like he could benefit from some counselling - or even just someone to talk to anonymously. For example, in the UK there's the Samaritans hotline, who you can call anonymously and talk about anything that's on your mind. It's often very difficult to open up to people we care about.

Sorry for the long response, I hope it helped a little and that things work out well for both of you.

 

I actually find this somewhat scary. My knowledge about human psychology is very limited, I'm very sure other members here (especially moderators and Chip in particular) can very very likely give you much better advice. Having said that, I will give some of my thoughts.

To me it seems that he, at times, really cannot believe that you like him. Him pushing you away could be due to the fact that it's too painful for him to have you that close when he feels like that. He may not want you to see him/be with him when he's like that. People cope with insecurities in different ways, but I don't think my reasoning is too unlikely.

However, what I find strange is that you say that he seems very cold and even different. I don't know if this is a common in such situations. I'd expect him to be sad, not cold..

 

I've actually been dealing with the same thing with my best friend for the last 10 or so years. I do everything I can for him and he constantly says I don't care about him. Over the last year or two he started smoking pot heavily and it's made his mood swings 10x worse and has made being around him unbearable because you never know what's going to set him off.


My advice is if you feel like he's the one then take time and give him space. You don't want to push him away and you don't need his behavior to cause you mental health problems. Unfortunately your boyfriend like my friend are wired differently for whatever reason.

 

As the other people here I also have experience with this, but I have been the person who pushes people away, or I still am I suppose. If he is anything like me I know exactly how he feels, and believe me, it's extremely hard on him and he probably feels very guilty afterwards. That kind of behaviour is a sign of him wanting your attention and compassion. I am sure you are very good at giving it to him, but if he is mentally ill in any way (like me with depression) that won't get through to him. I think you should try to figure out if he has a mental problem. As stated i struggle with the exact same thing, and I suffer from depression. He needs help if he frequently feels like that, because living like that is terrible. And believe me, when he in those moments become cold and say you don't love him, that is the truth to him. 100 percent, he honestly believes that. So the only thing you can do is to try and be there to support him, and if that is too much for Your own mental health at times just tell him he is being unreasonable, that you love him still and that you will step away till he calms down. I think that is the only suggestion I can make. Reassurance helps me at least, but it's also important that you don't put up with his behaviour. Tell him that he is unreasonable, sometimes people like us need a wake up call.

That's really all I can say :/ Good luck! I am rooting for you