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I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. (rant)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Cold Conquest, Nov 5, 2016.

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  1. Cold Conquest

    Cold Conquest
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    So I was outed accidentally some time ago(frickin browser history forgot to clear). My parents' response was to be angry that I hadn't told them. Once that blew over they said they can't approve, but they still love me. They're both 'love the sinner, hate the sin' sorts. Since then it's been a don't ask, don't tell sort of thing. Things are just sort of...awkward. It feels like I'm almost still in the closet.

    I'm used to talking and sharing all kinds of personal things with my family. We're quite close, always have been. But now there's this gap...that's never happened before. I feel greedy. After all, I have a family who didn't kick me out and still loves me, but I still want more than that. I have this wish that society was such that I could be like everyone else...able to meet someone someday, introduce them to my parents, maybe get married, and have it just be normal. Accepted. But it feels like there's always just gonna be this gap. Always this sense like that true, full acceptance is more than they can give me. I feel like I should just be happy with what I got, cause it could be so, so much worse for me. I read the other stories on here of people who have been kicked out/physically abused for coming out and it makes me feel like crap for complaining. It's an injustice, but not a terrible one as far as things go, so how do I stop wishing for a different world when it's not gonna change a damn thing?

    Anyway, sorry for the length. Just needed to vent.
     
    #1 Cold Conquest, Nov 5, 2016
  2. JonSomebody

    JonSomebody
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    First of all let me just say I am sorry for what you are going through with your family....and yes..I am pretty sure that there a lot of people out there who wishes it was a different world when it comes to being accepted as a gay individual by their families. However, the reality is that it is not. The fact that what you are dealing with in the midst of the after effect of coming out to them is pretty good in my opinion because I for one can say it could have been a lot worse as you have mentioned in your post. I tend to feel that your family are going to need a little time to process things and I say let them have it. I also believe that eventually from what you have mentioned in regards to the closeness of your family that they will come around to accepting you...but just keep in mind that they may not be comfortable with you sharing personal details of your life with them. Like you said.."Don't Ask..Don't Tell". To conclude...I think you should just keep things moving along and perhaps something you maybe want to consider is writing your parents a letter about how much you love them..how much pain you are feeling because you are accustomed to having the closeness of the family and now things are somewhat at a distance. You can also mention in the letter that you have decided to give them the time they need to process things but always know that you love them so much and how much their support is needed. Something like that. Nonetheless...I wish you the best of luck with everything...JS
     
    #2 JonSomebody, Nov 5, 2016
  3. Cold Conquest

    Cold Conquest
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    I definitely think they need time. Sometimes I feel like stomping my feet and shouting "It's not fair!" at the world. For everyone who's been through stuff because they love the "wrong" gender. It just makes me frustrated sometimes.

    But 2015 happened. We've come a long way!

    Anyway. Thanks for the advice. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Cold Conquest, Nov 5, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2016
  4. Sleeping Owl

    Sleeping Owl
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    I agree with what JonSomebody said, communicating to them how you feel is really important. You can't go on this way, even if it's not "as bad" as other peoples' situations, it's not right. If you're unhappy with how things are, change them.

    I too think a letter would be a good way of expressing yourself because it can be easier to communicate uninterrupted what you want to say while not veering off track. The longer you wait to sort this kind of issue out the more painful it'll become. Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Sleeping Owl, Nov 5, 2016
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