I love my girlfriend. There is no doubt that I love her after I met her for the first time after 2 years. Before we weren't officially a couple, but merely best friends who were occasionally sexual. But when she came we both agreed we'd be willing to be in a relationship. However, she's 5 years older than me and has obviously experienced more than I have. Even though there's an age difference, she's somehow more childish than me sometimes! (Not in a bad way). Anyway, here's why I'm here. I get uncontrollably angry with her when we talk about the past. At my age, I don't take anything serious in my past considering I'm only almost a year into my "adulthood." But with her, and her past, I get pissed off and angry. I'm the first female she's ever been with, but she had a relationship with a male before me for 4 years. I'm sure it's a trust issue, but anytime I see her around straight couples I get angry. I immediately feel like she's lying to me about not being attracted to men. Discussion about straight people with her just makes me angry because I think of her having sex with the guy she was with! And it absolutely disgusts me. I am mentally incapable of dating a bisexual woman due to my traumatic past with men and sexual exploitation. I cannot imagine someone being attracted to a man who's capable of doing these horrible things. It's not that I hate men, it's just that I can't grasp the sexual aspect of hetero-relationships. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, but that's the best way I can describe it. So what I guess I'm trying to say is, I need some kind of advice or help. I get angry and harsh with my girlfriend anytime she mentions her past. She used to party and drink at my age, and I find no enjoyment partaking in that bullshit but any time she mentions her past around that time I want to tell her how fucking stupid she was for doing it. Just writing about it makes me angry. I'm rambling. I know. I just need help. I'm well aware that I have issues with my anger and I've talked to her about it but, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to believe her when she says she's not attracted to men when she's had sex with a man she claims she isn't attracted to.
A relationship is built on trust (among other things), isn't it? And if there's no trust... It's going to be difficult. You're saying that you imagine her having sex with a man, it disgusts you and you have it hard to believe her, so I doubt this is related to anger issues, it's most likely related to trust issues and you not being comfortable with yourself in that way that you can't trust her being honest to you. Believe it or not, but the first step to loving your partner is to love yourself. Going into a relationship when you have no self confidence/insecure (or any other reason that makes it hard for you to trust people) is only going to cause problems. There are plenty of practices that you two can do that might help you trust her more. It's something you'll have to look up yourself as it can vary from individual to individual. Don't get me wrong though, you know yourself the best and I'm not saying the opposite. Being traumatised, as you said you've been, is horrible. Just saying that it might be something to consider, because I've heard of this many times before.
As a person with trust issues I can very very much relate. I am sorry you feel this way, but you have to ask yourself if you truly want this relationship with her or not. This could be a deal-breaker for your relationship, so I suggest talking to her about how you feel, and try to truly listen and trust the things she says. And if nothing else works you have to make a decision if you want to stay in the relationship or not. Don't get me wrong, i definitely think this might work for you guys, but you have to consider if it's Worth all the stress.
