Hey everyone, you can probably judge from the title of this post, that I'm not in a great place right now. I don't want to write a novel on my life and ex right now...but I was with this girl for half a year and she was my rock. I'm a very private, quiet person and honestly don't have many friends, so that me getting very close to her and opening up to her in the time that we were together was a huge life changing thing for me because it was the first I'd been like that with anyone and she's the first woman I had felt unconditional love for. She was a huge part of my life and I lost my virginity to her (I know for some virginity is considered unimportant but for me having that first and other experiences with her was extremely special and bonding). Anyway...a lot has happened and I felt like she betrayed me. She left me for an old friend who came out and said she loves her also... and she never even officially broke things off with me. What happened is she told me she was unsure of what she wanted and then she vanished for a bit and I got a text at 2am from her saying "leave my gf alone." I will spare details. She got drunk and the other girl stole her phone and send me nasty messages...she said my ex was busy "eating her out" and made her cum and to leave her alone and she': come beat me up. And I sent my ex messages...afterwards of me being upset and her knowing my depression had come back and I'd self harmed. And she opened those messages...and now two weeks I have tried to message her a few times but she is not opening or responding to them... She still has me on social media (snapchat) and even viewed my story yesterday...but she won't speak to me. I'm going to therapy on my college campus to get help because I cry almost every single day about what happened and I miss her a lot. I know I may get some people telling me she is an "awful, mean" person...but the thing is she was always the most gentle and caring and wonderful woman I'd ever known. And what she did was wrong but that I can't make myself feel better by hating her and making her into a bad person. Before this she went to a party and got drunk and made out with this same girl who stole her phone, recorded them kissing...and posted it on snapchat. I just feel like I got stabbed in the back. This is just a rant. I don't know how to move on. I know I love her unconditionally and powerfully...maybe a part of me will love her forever and I'm scared she will never speak to me again ---------- Post added 9th Nov 2016 at 07:00 PM ---------- By the way, we live an hour away from each other and I have no car so I can't go to her and see her in person. ---------- Post added 9th Nov 2016 at 07:10 PM ---------- I just don't know what to do. I am severly depressed and have not self harmed in a week but that I cry almost everyday and feel so awful that she is gone. I have no closure. What she did to me and now her ignoring me is such a polar opposite of her personality, the version of her I'd come to love and know...that I am in a shock. She constantly told me she never has lied to me...that was the last thing she even told me before she vanished. But then she used to tell me she never is one to exclude someone from her life, that it would be the biggest regret of her life to lose me... that I can depend on her...that she cared about me. I can't believe her when the actions prove otherwise...and it hurts. I want closure to know how and why this all happened...but she won't give it to me
Well..... I'm sorry. This is hard But it happens. It definitely happens. And it sucks. And be careful out there Closure is important, and she is not honorable not to face you, be honest, break things off in a respectable manner, and be responsible for her relationship with you Which is really rotten of her. So... you may not be ready to hear it, but get away from her, and stay away from her. And watch out for others like her This is truly a loss, and a good period of mourning will be needed to process your grief. There are no taboos in mourning.... Can you find other outlets for your feelings? Perhaps you can do some writing? How about - you write out everything you feel. Exactly how you felt all through this horrible process, exactly what was wrong and unjust, and how your needs were not met? Perhaps you can write her a letter goodbye - goodbye, I loved you, but you can't do this to me? You need to honor your feelings, that this is a significant loss for you. Go ahead and love her if you do - that's healthy, love is not a light switch - but don't act on it in a way that will hurt you, or leave you vulnerable to her. Go hang out with other people. You need support - can you do things to be more social? Even if you just go to a crowded event, and hang out in the back, it will help you to not be alone, be around others, and be in a positive situation. Have you checked student activities and events? dude - go to them all. just go - get out, dont stay by yourself alone therapy is a good idea are there other avenues of support? Is there a LGBT student group or center on campus? Take it easy - these things are painful and take time. Take care of yourself!!!!! Cry, go for walks, eat extra healthy food, do something fun, maybe play racketball or something Also you may hate this but if you have any of her belongings, get rid of them. DONT keep any tokens, break all connections or ties - this will heal you. Otherwise, you will be held back Take care!!!!! I know it was a major first relationship for you- but its OK. There are a lot of fish in the sea, and you are young. Look forward to forming better relationships, and meeting more stable people Easy does it! Take care!!
