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This guy and my my apathetic queer self

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by SHACH, Nov 10, 2016.

  1. SHACH

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    I have a male friend that I have known for about 5 weeks now at university. I think he likes me but I'm not at all excited, more just conflicted haha.

    He lives across the hall from me in dorms. We became friends because I find him very interesting to talk to - he knows a lot about music, makes beats, sorta djs, and I like to write songs and stuff so that was cool to me and he seems like a fount of knowledge I want around.

    But by maybe the second week it became very obvious he was into me. He was sort of going for it when we danced together, he came to bring me lemons in the middle of the night when I was sick, he got me into a club free as his fake date but then seemed to take it really seriously. Blah blah blah.

    I avoided him a little for a bit but recently we keep ending up hanging out. We stayed up all night together watching the election and ended up... Playing the guitar and singing like sad songs... Somehow whenever we're alone some strange movie romance situation occurs I swear. I mean, orginally we were playing the ps2 with my flatmate but he went to bed. And then at some point in the night this dj boy started staring with me with great intent and i just told him to "stop staring" tow hitch he replied "I don't even know how I respond to that..."

    Like wow he is after me... Tbh I have never experienced this before I came to university. In secondary school I was a loser and i wished I was cool enough for cool guys to want me. I went to 6th form at a girl's school and fell for this girl and she is ended up going out with another friend of mine. So I find this whole situation quite baffling.

    But despite it being baffling, looking back at my secodnary school loser self, shouldn't I be sort of happy? Like hes cool and good looking and i get on with him. But literally I just fluctuate between being supremely freaked out, to laughter, to wow I can literally get him to do anything for me that's useful but immoral, to meh maybe he can reileve me of my annoying virginity haha.

    Really I need to tell him straight that I don't want this probably. But I do spend a fair amount of time thinking about this. Basically I'm thinking about how I've really gone off the concept of men. I was really interested in secondary school till the last year or so. I had little silly crushes and watched a lot of gay male porn. But when I feel for that girl it felt like it was the first time I genuinely felt anything. T

    hen I've had 4 kisses with 1 girl and 3 guys, the girl being the only good one. In fact the first two guy kisses had me vowing to myself to stop trying out kissing guys. But then the 4th came because it seems since I came to uni I have become irresistible to all men (jk jk) and was just boring. But bearing in mind they were all drunk kisses with people I had spoken to for a max of about an hour and an average of maybe 10 minutes, the data does not seem conclusive. Except that it means i have a mental block and i suddenly just really don't want to kiss any more men.

    However I don't really have any girls I'm into right now either. There's been maybe two (rather straight) girls I've met since uni that I was attracted to... I feel like I was so put down by not getting that girl I liked that ive become generally apathetic. So what does that mean for me? It just bothers me a lot how indifferent I am. Sometimes I get in quite a bad mood and think about just wandering into this one lesbian bar I know alone and finding someone who actually wants to kiss me and maybe I will too. Going out alone is so fucking sad and desperate tho... I'm just too shy to try and recruit someone to come with me on my arguably rather desperate expedition.

    Anyway, I just find it really silly that this guy is treating me to like some sort of romantic film like singing for me with his Guitar and I cannot feel any good way about it. Like I swear I literally imagined that situation in my head as a 13 year old. Also I feel like I need to do something about the situation, I've been saying that for about 3 weeks now but seriously.
     
  2. SHACH

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    Okay this may have been overly long but I still have a problem and I already posted about this back in the second week and nobody replied... he just text me now and I keep replying like I'm oblivious until he said "well I was trying to flirt" and I just said "try harder" cos I couldn't work out how to shoot him down...?
     
  3. Gooonerz

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    I think you should make it clear to him that his overt attempts to flirt are annoying and he should tone it down.
     
  4. SHACH

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    Haha I just told him over text "I was trying not to be rude but if you have to tell someone that you're flirting you're probably trying too hard. Dont try harder". He didnt react to that he just reacted to me complaining about straining my neck haha.
     
  5. Mihael

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    I'm not a master of that stuff :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: If I say something completely wrong somebody please correct me.

    I was gonna say "be honest with him about how you feel". But it looks like you already did it. I was gonna say "be ready for denial and further attempts at flirting on his part". And I have no way of telling and neither do you. You have to wait and see how he received it - if he did. There is some probability you'll have to repeat a couple of times to him that no, you don't reciprocate, or may have to be firmer about it, becuase he might not take the hint. It is also possible for this situation to simply fade away in some time, like a couple of months. You know, natural decay because of lack of forces sustaining it...
     
  6. SHACH

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    I mean I've sort of told him to stop but no obviosuly it wasn't straight forward enough for him because he's now been talking to me at length in jokes about spooning.

    I think he probably thinks I'm playing hard to get but like, no I literally just am entirely indifferent not pretending haha. But at the same time I guess I have been letting it be way too much to the point that he is lead on. Like he'll just sort of wrap an arm around me and I'll just let it happen, like I should probably do something. But like it's all very funny to me except for the concept of actaully ending up kissing him haha. If I can get to a point of hanging out with him without constantly internally laughing about him trying to hit on me, that would be nice though.

    I probably am being a bit of an ass just letting this keep going tbh. But there's always a part of me that is 1. Baffled about having an admirer and thankful that this is finally occuring 2. Feels like I should have a quick experiment with him. Though 2 seems stupider and stupider as my mind starts to justify it in that I would probably be able to rule out guys afterwards... Well that could happen now, you idiot brain haha (though I'm not sure it should, like I do have some sort of attraction to guys I think - confuuuused). My friends say that's what they would do haha but I keep thinking about that scene in Blue is the Warmest colour where she mindlessly has sex with that guy from school and its the most depressing sex scene I've ever seen. Yeah no I don't want that haha.
     
    #6 SHACH, Nov 10, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2016
  7. Mihael

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    Hm , well... It's possible it'll fall apart after some time. Like 3 months.

    I'm not going to patronise that you should not lead him on. It's nice to be appreciated as an attractive person, isn't it? Even if you're not into him. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing though, because kisses with someone you're not into can be really disgusting. And a pretty strong experience too, negative in this case. And let alone cuddling and sex. Even if you're into guys, you don't have to be into this particular guy, however awsome he might seem. So it's not like you're ruling out something if you e.g. kiss him and don't feel chemistry. You're ruling out him.