I'm in an abusive house and I need to get out

OK

I'm tired but some stray thoughts


income
housing
food
clothing
communications
transportation
healthcare



random thoughts

transportation:

any public transportation where you live?

are you staying in the area? when your boyfriend splits, do you want to stay, or go somewhere easier to survive?


cars : if no public transportation,

you've got
cars
bicycle
skateboards (I'm not kidding. Boy said "makes the city smaller". people DO commute on these to work or school)

rollerblades? pleae dont hurt yourself if you are inexpereinced

carpooling?

etc.

cars: costs: 1. drivers license fee
first you need the test though. might cost $ to prep for test, and take test. then the actual license card costs $

car costs: gas, maintenance.
we are talking: oil changes
tires
etc.
regular check ups at the mechanic. periodic replacement of parts that wear out
plus you might have to buy a car in the first place

im thinking used. that usually costs. when i shopped at rock bottom (government auctions) , then general rule seemed to be if you wanted it to run, $1500
below that and its a gamble it if runs

that beeing said I got a steal at $1800 that ran until the breaks wore out after a few months.... then I got stuck with $800 of break work because the previous owner was so negligent and had worn them dangerously low and not replaced them way past when they should have been. Looked like some illegal breakwork had been done by previous mechanic to patch that and keep it running

so.... cars are expensive

plus car insurance. That's a bitch. every month you gotta pay. And you need an address to file the insurance at. Can you use your boyfriends parents house? if not your moms...

...if you dont have your own apartment/rented room in a house. and be careful - if you move to a bad neighborhood, car insurance is REALLY high in those zip codes


so.... you can see why public transportation is so desirable. and bicycles


you can apply for food stamps and medicaid. Its income / resource based. If you aren't making at ton of money, you may qualify for some food stamps, and maybe free health insurance. Its worth investigating

If you go in person to the governemnt offices they can assist you with applying

soup kitchens, food pantries, and food banks can assist you with food if / when you are struggling to cover costs

bills look like:

rent
heat
electricity (sometimes included in rent...)

communications (telephone, TV, internet..)

car insurance
health insurance (deductibles, etc., for private plans (non government)

tranportation (bus pass, train pass, gas, car insurance)


when those eat your wallet - eat at the soup kitchen / food pantry / food bank

food coops sometimes let you join, get discount on groceries

shop at the farmer market. its cheaper


if you are looking for housing, if you rent your own place, like an aparment
you sign a lease
and the landlord usually wants a DEPOSIT, like in case you leave without paying rent or something - usually its an EXTRA months rent

also sometimes they want a Deposit AND an extra months rent. (deposit is for damage too - say you blast a hole in the wall and refuse to pay for it ). This is called FIRST, LAST, and DEPOSIT.. (first month, last month, and deposit)

so......

that a lot of money and hard for a lot of people

sometimes if you are homeless, in a good area, a charity is set up to loan people (especialy ones with jobs) money for a deposit, and you pay them back slowly. This is rare - but look around for it if you need it


if you find an add for someone looking for a roomate /roommates, sometimes its easier to get the place than from a landlord. They may waive deposit etc, or it may be less...

be careful. Choose your roommates well - a lot of people are irresponsible, sketchy, or make lousy roommates


buy clothes from thrift stores. Salvation army is pretty good..

I dunno what you want to do, but if you are desperate...

sometimes if you get work in the ski industry, they will give you temporary housing with the job.

So if you look at work in a ski town, sometimes they take SEASONAL employees, and offer them shelter in a temporary, seasonal housing situation that goes with the job....

its a good opportunity for those who need it, esp while you figure something better out...

you are 19? but in college?


often college is a great deal. If you can get financial aide (grants, low interest loans) (grants you dont pay back) (scholarships also), it can be very economical to attend school, especially if you work on the side....

DONT let your mom claim you as a dependent [on her taxes] when you file for financial aide. Fill out paperwork so you are INDEPENDENT of her, otherwise they evaluate your qualifications for financial aide based on HER tax return. File extra paperwork as not connected to her, and you will qualify for more financial assistance from goverment/school.


She must have your permission, as an adult, to claim you as a dependent. Deny her permission, file paperwork to stop it. Get financial assistance from financial aide for school. Perhaps live in school housing, take the required hours (like 4 classes / semester or something), make plans for financial independence. Its not important what you study, or how hard - safe housing, and an opportunity to set up your life, is priceless...


besides college there are other vocational training programs and opportunities that sometimes have housing....

also dont forget even some community colleges have dorms...


are there any LGBT centers around?

are there any women's organizations? I know you identify as male, but, especially if you haven't legally transitioned, you may qualify for support from local women's organizations, and especially information and guidance on surviving abusive situations, and dealing with financial indepence. This is important, and could be extremely helpful

Women's organizations are the best organized resources for resoucres and information on surviving abusive families / situations....

they will know best in your community, better organized than anyone else


tip: do NOT blow your whole savings

i know its tempting, and its hard. but - once its gone, its going to be REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD

make plans to NEVER go flat broke. Even when everyone else around isn't planning, and is going flat broke. STAY AFLOAT

which reminds me

you can volunteer at most soup kitchens, help serve, prep, setup/cleanup, and they feed you. Its really good

Also, its winter now, but have you considered WWOOFing? willing workers on organic farms? you stay on their farm in their housing for guests, probably with a couple others. I dunno how it will play out financially in terms of earnings etc, but people do it , especially people who are travelling or wanting to travel. Its a good way to get a live/work situation in another part of the country, and helps people get around. Lots of young people who are taking time to travel. Its also REALLY great in a pinch if you need shelter/housing

i dunno. I cannot think well when I am this sleepy/hungry, but here are some random stray thoughts - I hope somehow any of this is any helpful.

TAKE CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Stay safe hun!!! <3


(feel free to ask more questions/post more details

---------- Post added 10th Nov 2016 at 07:03 PM ----------

I apologize, i just reread your post - you graduated. Sorry was confused by the 19...

grad school? hey come on, could be fun! some people get financial aide for it - could you qualify?


p.s. if you have any questions about driving hit me, happy to help you learn

---------- Post added 10th Nov 2016 at 07:05 PM ----------

p.s. also there are organizations that help people get jobs. I dunno what your degree is in, but their assistance might be helpful . Take care

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_community_colleges_in_the_United_States_with_campus_housing


i don't see any on this list in RI or MA.. NY?

CA?

Some places are LBGT friendler than others....

i dont off hand know all these cities listed.


I do love NY though

Syracuse is a nice big city.... upstate new york.

bit of a college town too with the SUNY there - that's nice.


decent school that SUNY, good peoples


i dunno much about community colllege personal, nor financial aide

I'm pretty sure have outstanding loans doesn't preclude you from applying for more... as a general principal (assuredly, people who graduate from a four year college with debt, often get loans for grad school without paying off all the first debt first........)



i think it would definitely be worth considering /exploring.


So - apply for next semester, if this would be possible? start in the middle of the year?


I'm assuming you have a high school diploma or GED?


Did you get OK grades? did you do OK in your technical school?


----


the good news is the vocational training you got is very much a popular and desired trade. It is definitely a good education to have when looking for work..

If you leave your homophobic area, and it sounds like you might (really might work out better.. for finding housing, maybe even roommates, a job, maybe even public transportation (buses do work! usually...), and maybe even community resources and support....

there are agencies in most cities to help people find employment. These are great credentials to have for them to work with. seriously


which reminds me I forget to meantion before have you tapped into a gay church? often churches are socially justice minded and have some contact with programs for the needy, including homeless, abused , etc.. - whether that be they run a soup kitchen, or donate to one.... its good to talk to them, and see what they know, what resources they know of , and what resources they may have themselves. They might be able to connect you to someting helpful, somehow

gaychurch.org has a great listing of gay churches

MCC is also a very very gay church, and a great place to check in with, as they are probably very aware and used to the concept of young LGBTs sorting things out without adequate family support. Worth starting a conversation with them!



Good with the applications.


I dunno if you have thought about where you would go if you leave your homophobic town...

Providence is quite a liberal place, but its also fairly small for a city, and I think has been getting a little more expensive lately. I have no idea how many, or what kind of resources they may have....


I dunno where else you might be interested. Massachusettes is certainly very good with LGBT issues, and Boston is at least way better with shelters than NYC....

New Hampshire has some difficulties, including with LGBT

I dunno about vermont. I hear someone found columbus ohio to be more transfriendly than vermont. Vermont i feel is a strange place...

Ohio can be nice. Columbus sounds interesting to me. Again, a college town with the big state school - nice kids, good crowd, lots of youth, lots of potential good vibe.....


hmmm...

sorry i'm not more awake for this tonight


Is there any resources in particular you were looking for when you asked us?


Take care!!!!!!!!!!!

 

here is a better list of community colleges with dorms.. 259 listed

Cutting College Costs: 259 Community Colleges with Dorms - Do It Yourself College Rankings

did you know Iowa is actually pretty gay friendly? Iowa city has tons of lesbians too. Iowa was one of the first states to pass gay marriage. Not the worst place around

---------- Post added 10th Nov 2016 at 09:26 PM ----------

oh ok, no school, I see

---------- Post added 10th Nov 2016 at 09:37 PM ----------

amtrak goes to a nice station in syracuse, but if school is out of the question, ok


hmm... well good job getting your documents. I'm not sure which rights you're referring to exactly? as over 18, adult, you are autonomous... she can't really do anything to you. You are right to worry about your stuff though, that can get ugly. best to get anything you aren't willing to part with away from her. Again, good job with the documents.. do you have any vulnerablities of some kind? What particular rights are you worrying about protecting? She can't touch you. Don't let her tell you otherwise - don't let her intimidate you.

Saving money on stuff? hmmmm... besides the food and thrift suggestions already.... prepaid phone plans tend to be cheaper. since your techie i dunno if you have a computer for internet or need a smartphone... you can pickup a prepaid phone at walmart pretty cheap. i'm partial to verizon because the coverage is good where i am. basic phone i got for $12, unlimited talk and text $30 a month. a smartphone is a bit more... i dont remember how much the device cost, i think unlimited talk/text and some data is like i dunno $50 / month or something. wifi is good for computers.... you can always try and use a smartphone to connect your computer to the internet.

if you get a place , dont buy furniture. its such a waste of money. sleeping on the floor, and having enough money for everything else, is such a better way to go. that being said, bedding is very useful. futons mattresses are cheaper than box spring mattresses, if you decide to invest in a mattress. Totally not important to do so though. Many of us enjoy sleeping on the floor.

If you must buy some sort of furniture at some point, again thrift stores rule. Used furnitiure is definitely the way to go. thrift stores, used furniture stores, and stuff like garage sales, maybe even a flea market.


if you take a defense driving course (i think you can online, like just a few hours), i think you can usually get a discount on your car insurance.

Anything in particular you were looking for tips on saving money on?

Again , sorry I'm so tired. And really glad you are working on getting away from the abuse. I'm sorry your mom is so aweful - that's horrible. I'll be glad when you are safe from it

t/c

 

ok, since i'm so tired, forgive me for piecing this out


I've talked to some friends and it's possible to room with one of them once I have a lisence, and we can share a car. Would I still qualify for food stamps that way?

oh yes.

Hun you can be married and still qualify..

Food stamps is a little wierd.

Its income and resource based .. so they want a bank account statement, and if you own anything pricey, like a house, a car, they want to know.

If you are employed, they will want to know the income - and they simply calculate everything. Food stamps is on a scale - you can get up to $190 of stamps per month, but most people usually get less. Its based on their calculations of your income etc.


GREAT hookup with the friend. Definitely best to room with a friend if you can

AWESOME hookup with the car. Be careful about insurance though - insurance is confusing

if she own the car - i think her insurance covers damage to the car - BUT if you drive it, you are liable for anything YOU damage besides the car. Especially people.

So make sure you get good insurance and have all the coverage you need!!

in fact, i think you may able to be able to sign up for a "non owners" policy and save money over a full policy. People do that - especially people who dont own cars in big cities, but travel a lot for business and rent cars. Check it out


Interesting question about the dog. And good think to check up on it.

I don't know - i just don;t know anything about service dogs. BUT, it shouldn't be something you should have to have a problem with - SO, there ought to be a way.

Can i ask, what role does she play in helping you get it?

Since you have disabilites, are you tapped into disabilities resources or support?

The local Center for Independent Living is supposed to help disabled people in all kinds of situations. They have a LOT of resources. Some centers are better than others. I would DEFINITELY connect with them. They are all about helping disabled people live independently

I bet providence has a good one. I would definitely call them for info.

You can also definitely ask them bunches of questions about services dogs, and resources for service dog info

---------- Post added 10th Nov 2016 at 10:03 PM ----------

oscil.org

 

"Since my disabilities fall under psychosis and PTSD it's difficult to get help."

don't worry about it. ALOT of people have PTSD

just be grateful you can work




" I got health insurance through a local disability center for a while before they just decided one month I wasn't "disabled enough" to continue using their services and cut me off"


its a shit show out there

Have you talked to the Center for Independent Living? Its usually mostly run by PEERS, other disabled people. Also, someone told me, YOU define how you are identified as disabled - not others

That being said they can't provide resources like an insurance plan. They are a support organization. They also receive government funding.

Seriously - i _highly_ recommend you start communicating with them, and keep finding different people who work there to talk to, and pump them for info/support/resources etc.


"My mother is helping me process paperwork and get a training plan for the dog once I find a suitable one"


pshaw. I say this gives her no power over the dog. the dog is FOR you. you are the disabled one. She has no disabilities.


If you can, do everything to take everything to spread ownership, SOLE ownership, over the dog. Don't let her find out what you are doing

I dunno if you are going to chip the dog or not (i'm not convinced its healthy for the dog, but a lot of people do it), but FOR Example, if you chip the dog, have the chip connected to YOUR information, NOT HERS. Have YOUR name on file, not hers, and an address that is NOT hers (friends, boyfriends)

See if you can do anything to register the dog as yours, and solely yours.

Get tags for the dog. Have _your_ phone number on them.

I know you can register pure breeds in pure breeds registers...but pure breeds are ridiculous anyways- i dunno. Just spread ownership over the dog anyway you can.

AND see if you can connect with disability advocates (like at the Center for Independent Living) who will back you up, support you, and maybe even keep documentation and paperwork on your case that you can have as independent proof



also, seriously, ask for information on the issue. Im sure this has come up for someone before, and Im sure somebody knows all the answers


" I have the benefit of not having to leave in the middle of the night since things haven't gotten violent yet, but I've been looking into places in my area, but nothing I can afford working part time at minimum wage so far"

i know. housing is ridiculous in the country right now. That's why i tried to direct you to dorms


"My sister's boyfriend owns a couple duplexes he rents out, including the one they live in, so once I have a stable job and can drive I might see if the other half of their duplex is going to open up anytime soon"

Sounds awesome, hope it works out. Be careful out there



Take care!!!!!!


p.s. just in case things get worse, "safety plan" in case you need to leave in the middle of the night. Maybe back a small bag or something.... t/c <3


p.s. safety plan for everything . Maybe also think ab out not telling your mom where you are going. Take the dog - and disappear

maybe leave a false trail. Tell her you are going to live with a friend in providence or something. Might not hurt Take care!!!!!!!!!!


p.s . start getting ready to change your addresses on Everything, all your mail. When you apply for a DL ( drivers license) it might be best to use friends address, etc.


Take care !!!

---------- Post added 11th Nov 2016 at 04:19 PM ----------

also, for pete's sake ask the center for independent living about job resources.


Alot of times large companies will set aside jobs for disabled people. Find out what's going on in your area - get connected to good disabilities advocates, and ask for help with _everything_. including job assistance, job placement, job search / whatever

t/c

 

Sounds awesome!!!


I also encourage you to not put it all on your parents hands about medicaid, but to start educating yourself about medicaid and the application process, and also perhaps to find outside support with information, and maybe the application process/ etc. if necessary. Again, CIL is a great place to start.

I'm not even sure they are there on the weekends So , Monday sounds great.


Take care!!!!!!

 

How did you make out? There's also the Transgender Housing Network. I know some people who have found places to live on there. Just use common sense of course. Good luck!