Really need some relationship advice

Hey everyone, my name is Chelsea. I've been searching around online looking for a community I could talk to in order to get some advice, and I came across this page. I'm hoping someone will take the time and read this, because it's going to be fairly lengthy.

First of all, I'm 25, and I suck at relationships. Why? Because I haven't really attempted to be in many of them. I spent a lot of my time dating women who were straight and in a relationship with men. It was incredibly toxic for my emotional well-being, but also very addicting. Last year I decided to make a change. I forced myself to remain single and really take a look at what I wanted.

The relationship I'm currently in is the first one I've been in since making these changes. She's a really great girl and we have so many of the same interests. We haven't been together long, since August... dating since the beginning of October. Before we became official, our relationship was amazing. We couldon't get enough of each other.

At this point, however, I've messed up. Without realizing it, I began losing my identity to our relationship. I stopped hanging out with my friends, and all my free time was spent with her. Because of this, I became fixated on her and the things she was doing. My girlfriend likes to text, a lot... everybody and anybody. Most of these people like her, but I mean, I can understand why they do. I do!

Our first little arguement was about a week after we became official. She used to coach softball, and a girl who she coached ( who is now 19) snapchats her a lot. I first became concerned because my girlfriend (who is 24 btw) told me that everyone thought this girl was going to tell her that she liked her once she graduated, however, she never did. I overreacted to the situation and caused some pretty bad tension between my girl and I.

And then I did something worse, I went through her phone. I saw the messages between them and my girlfriend was complaining to her about how much she hated my actions. And that's fine, wish she wouldn't have talked to the girl that our argument was about, but I get that they're friends and sometimes you need to talk. What got me was that my girlfriend never told me about her feelings on the matter.

That's one thing about her you need to know. She HATES talking about her feelings. It makes her emotional when addressing things and so she would just rather not. But really, this post is about my actions, not hers.

It took a couple weeks to get back on track but it did, and we were fine... Until recently. Now it's not even about the 19 yr old, it's about everyone. She spends so much time talking to them that I feel like she's constantly distracted when we are together.

So a few days ago we went bowling (just her and I), and every time she wasn't the one throwing the ball she was on her phone. I snapped about it a little bit. I asked her, "Are you paying attention or are you texting?". I said it with attitude. She immediately got off her phone and was there for the rest of the time. She asked me not to get aggravated (because I wasnt doing very well). I responded that I wasn't frustrated about the bowling. She knew that I meant the phone thing.

That night she made an effort to show me that she cared, which I deeply appreciated.

Last night we went to the casino, and on the way back I asked if I could ask her a couple questions. She said I could, so I asked her about some of the people she messages a lot. I asked if she told them she had a girlfriend, and she said that yes, she did. That made me feel better because I just didn't know. I told myself I wouldn't go through her phone again and I haven't.

Okay so then I tried to get her to talk to me about the whole thing. I felt like this was essentially the same issue I had about the girl and few weeks back, just a less targeted agrument. I felt like it happened again because we never really discussed it. I pushed her to talk, and she did but because she felt forced.

She became emotional and told me that she doesn't show her feelings, she never has, and she's been trying to get better. But all I see is what she's doing wrong, and not what I'm doing wrong. She felt like I was smothering her, and that I was making her uncomfortable talking about something. She explained to me that just because I feel like something is simple, doesn't mean that she doesn't find it hard.

And you know what, she's right! I have been smothering her because she's the only one I hang out with and the only one I talk to. I've been disecting every move she's made, and assuming that she's interested in talking to someone else more than me. She likes to text, it doesn't matter who. And it's very possible that it seems like she's always on her phone because we're always together.

I saw that I was doing this to her, and I asked her if there was anything I could do to fix it. She said no, and that she needed a few days. I said okay, and I asked her if she wanted space. She thought about it for a whIle and nodded her head that, yes she did need space. I told her that I cared about her, and she said she cared about me too.

When I left her house she gave me a hug and told me to at least text her when I got home (which I did), and I told her to let me know when she was ready...

Now I understand this is probably such a insignificant post to many of you. But I honestly need someone to talk to about it.

I understand that I pushed this to happen because we're so early in our relationship and I became way too serious. I understand that if things work out, I must find a way to maintain my own identity and not allow myself to get sucked in to this again. And I also understand that I have to let her be her own person, stop feeling insecure, and chill the hell out.

That being said, it's only been 24 hours and I'm wondering how long you think it will take her to message me, if at all. And if she does.. where do I go from here. How do I be a better girlfriend and how can I make our relationship worth having again?

I don't know if her and I will work out, but I do know that I caused this, and I'd like the opportunity to fix my stupid mistakes and give us a real shot.

If anyone takes the time to read this and respond... I'm incredibly thankful.