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What am I going to do about this guy.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by RavenTheRat, Nov 11, 2016.

  1. RavenTheRat

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    Okay, so recently I broke up with my boyfriend. He was a sweet guy in one regard, but he was also poisonous to my mental health.

    He was really kind to me, but he... said really disturbing things. Like he made really REALLY dark jokes, like I'd send him a picture of my hamster and he'd say he'd love to squeeze him until he exploded. Now normally this may be a harmless comment, but he's also told me he's sadistic towards small animals, so...... yeahh. He also constantly remarked that he was sociopathic. Now if you're wondering why he hell I stayed with him, so am I. I'm a dumb teenager I guess. The thing is, every time I resolved to break up with him he would say or do something really sweet and I would say "see, he's not so bad" to myself and chalk it up to my own anxiety. Plus his family was really nice, so I figured how bad could it be.

    I mean, he does have tourettes syndrome and OCD, so that probably has something to do with it, but still there's somthing really off about him.

    Anyway, after he made a very inappropriate joke in front of my friend that really upset her (even after I told him not to say it) I finally broke up with him. It felt like the weight of the world off my shoulders. Except... he won't let go. Like he FOLLOWS me around the school. When I'm sitting at lunch, he'll pass where I'm sitting like 3 times. In the morning he'll come by and hug me, bu if I'm talking to someone and choose to ignore him, he'll just sit or stand behind me until one of my friends or I shoo him away. The final straw is when he showed up in the art room where we were having a club meeing (it's a club you have to apply for, you can't just show up) and I had to tell him to get out. Later, he told me he was just wandering around after school (even though he takes the BUS, so he should have been long gone by that time) and "happened" to find me in the art room. But I was way in the back of the room, and why was he "happening" to be searching classrooms? The main thing that bothers me about that is that he stayed after school for apparantly no reason.


    At the same time, I feel really guilty, because he's told me about how our breakup is taking a toll on him. I told him to get help from an adult, and he promised he would. He said that he'll be fine, it'll just take time, and I do believe him. He's only had one other relationship before me, and from what he told me he had a similarly extreme reaction to that girl breaking up with him.

    We had a long talk on friday, and he seems..... better. I don't know.

    Still, here's the thing. The way he hangs around bothers my friend, and my new girlfriend (oh did I mention that?). I don't want him to ruin my relationships. My new girlfriend is an incredibly positive addition to my life, and she relieves my anxiety instead of adding to it like he did. I don't want to lose her because of this.

    I'm so much better, my life is so much better, ever since I broke up with him. Still I feel guilty about the toll this took on him, and I'm freaked out by the way he still insists on talking to me even though me and my friends have made it very clear that I want to be left alone.

    I really just want to tell him to stop talking to me. I haven't told him that directly because I feel bad about how upset he is already and I don't want to make it worse, but I feel like he's torturing himself and whenever he hangs around I (to my shame ) treat him coldly because I just want him to go away. I know I'm being an asshole.

    Should I just tell him to go away? Or should I tolerate him to spare his feelings? I feel really selfish about all this, but at the same time..... I know that I don't need this.

    I just have no idea what to do about this entire situation.
     
  2. RainbowGreen

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    Don't tolerate his behavior. At. All.

    He does sound sociopathic to me, and if he is, then he'll try to manipulate you by making you feel guilty. He's an asshole, not you. The breakup is not really taking a toll on him, he's just salty because he lost control over you. Don't ever let him get it back.

    He'll probably keep on bothering you for a while, but he'll end up losing interest eventually.

    You already found someone who you can have an equal relationship with. Don't let him interfere with that.

    I know I might sound harsh, but there's just no other way to put it.
     
  3. resu

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    I think you know what you need to do.

    Don't feel guilty for other people's behaviors. That guy needs professional help you can't provide. If he has sociopathic tendencies, then he may not really care what you think. You can be polite when saying you don't any more contact. If he doesn't accept it, you may have to just block him or even talk to school officials.
     
  4. RavenTheRat

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    Thank you both so much for the wonderful advice and reassurance. You said just what I needed to hear, really. The next time he bothers me I'm going to nicely tell him to leave me be. Thank you again!