Today I was hanging out with a friend that I came out to months ago, but I believe she actually forgot (I don't know how you can forget something like this, but here we are). But then she was saying something that really confuses me. The reason I think she forgot about my sexuality: she doesn't even consider that I could have any attraction to girls and today she asked me if I already met a guy that I like. And also, a few months ago, I made a comment about a girl and she said "haha, I didn't know you play for the other team". It really sounded like "I know you're straight, I'm just having fun". But I told her that I'm not, we even had a little conversation about it with another friend. It didn't bother her in the slightest (her mother even went with her to pride once). She doesn't care about sexuality, but she is extremely heteronormative. But forgetting that your friend is bi because of that!? And I'm still not confident enough to remind her of it. I would only tell her again, if she asked. And then she told me, how glad she is that we don't have to be afraid to tell each other anything and in fact, I don't tell her most things. I feel so bad :eusa_liar:icon_sad: So despite all this heteronormative crap and secrets, I'll come to the actual reason for this post: today, she said that she wants a boyfriend like me, but obviously male. What the hell does that mean? Didn't she literally say that she would be in love with me if I was male? I'm incredibly confused. I'm not into her or anything, but it just startled me. Does this mean anything? Is it just her way of saying that she loves me platonically? I don't think she realised what she said because as I mentioned, she's very heteronormative and doesn't even think of being with a girl as a possibility. If she was into girls, I don't think she would be aware of it (yet). Am I just overthinking this?
That all sounds tough ... I don't have much advice other than to confront it head on. Some people are just uneducated. I would just call her on it next time and say hey you know I'm not straight why do you say things like that? Maybe her answer will give you some insight. You can always message me if you'd like. (((Hugs)))
Sound like she was raised in a home where Hetero is really the only possibility accepted or discussed. She probably does not agree, and isn't aware that she is being so heteronormative, it's just how she talks without thinking about it. We are more accustomed to not assuming anything about a person's gender or orientation based on how they look but, hetero people aren't like that. By default the assume a person is whatever gender they look to be and, they assume everyone they know is hetero because they are. It usually isn't conscious, it's just natural for them to speak as if everyone is like them. If you value her friendship, remind her each time she slips into that. If she really is your friend, she won't get upset. As for her comment about liking you as a partner if you were a guy. That tells me she likes a lot of things about you and, since she is straight, you'd have to be a guy for her to be in a relationship with. Your personality, likes, dislikes and all are what she wants in a man.
I've actually been told similar comments by straight girls about how they would date me if I was a guy, or how if they were gay they'd date me. It's a little confusing at first, but basically they're just saying that they're really compatible with your personality. Take it as a compliment, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a flirt. As for the friend herself, you might just want to tell her again that there's an equal chance for you to find a girl as it would be to find a guy. Let her know that it kinda hurts you, and makes it seem like she doesn't want to talk about it. If she doesn't handle that in a mature manner, maybe find a way to distance yourself? That is, if it really effects you. I'd personally have a lower opinion of someone who isn't willing to change their actions to stop hurting you.
