Hello, im a new member and this is my first post. I am a 23 years old girl, i cant say im a Lesbian, i suppose i am Bisexual. but thats not the case. im goin through a harsh breakup with my ex. Im a Christian, and she is a Muslim. We fell in love at first sight. We dated and there has been alot of ups and down. throughout the relationship, i was always the one picking a fight with her, blaming her, accusing her, controlling her, etc. She cheated on me twice (and im sure there are a few that she flirted with behind me). she used to be a playgirl, so i dont trust her easily. so the blaming kept gettin serious, and i started to keep on telling her to go away and tell her to go find her exes instead, she would cry and it became a habit that i know she will eventually come back. until she got fed up with me. we've been together for 20 months. it got rocky after that. i told her to go away, all i wanted was her attention. she then told me that fine, she will. we never talked after. then i met up with her so called bestfriend, a female who is also a Lesbian, hiding her identity, i would name her Rose. I had ask her if my ex is seeing anyone. she said no. i had ask her, are you dating her?? she said no, why would i do that? i wont do that to a friend. it go awkwardly wrong. we left casually. months later. Me, my ex, Rose, we were suppose to go Thailand for vacay, we had it planned before the break up. but since we had broken up. i decided to go.. i went on to text Rose's ex, lets call her Kiem. i asked Kiem to join me, i paid for all the flight tickets and expenses. so i wont be alone in Thailand, it is my first time travelling alone. so yes i was afraid. we touch down there, they ran off, me and Kiem tryin to chase em. but they left. i went on alone. 10 days trip, it was depressing. VERY. thinking that your ex is with someone in a room. my ex's status and Rose's has been romantically connected. they wore same matching outfits, etc etc. im very protective of my ex, i hate anyone near her. but seeing that she is near Rose. i feel very.. very.. anyway, the trip was depressing. i was alone all the time. My ex has sent me a long text before the trip. She said she love Rose and dont want to lose her etc. but in between, it seems she is tryin to tell me to wait for her. Pls note that my ex and Rose, are bestfriend, there is a group of 6 girls who are bestfriends, but only my ex and Rose arent straight so they share a few common interest. Its 2016, November now. i waited a long long month. its been nearly 2 years. i dont know if she love me or not still. i would usually wait to see her Online status in whatsapp. every Saturday we would go out to date, but ever since the break up, i would find that she doesnt go online on a saturday afternoon. thinking that she probably went out with guys or her girlfriend or i dont know. We had a secret code between each other, where by my birthdate 6th July, and hers 3rd September, together 6739. we would wait the time that matches our number to go online. and she still does that, her ig followers and following also shows that with my number 607. i dont know how long i should wait. i would randomly cry just thinking of her with someone else. I know she is tryin to teach me a lesson. but why this?? i never cheated on her. i had never kissed other girl. i had never had any physical touch with other girl. its that bitch Rose's advice. she said to my ex that if someobe hurt you, hurt them back 1000 times. all her advices, has just murdered me internally. all this pain. i dont own any ***t to Rose, why cant she stay away from my relationship with my ex? sometimes i really want to kill this Rose. im really tired of all this. My life. i had a rough childhood. i was raped by my own brother for 8 years when i was young... every single day. thats 2920 days. and if its school holiday or my parents step out of the house, it would be twice a day. my vagina would be sore. i dont enjoy any of it. i would cry in the bathroom at night washing away all those discusting thing my bro left. my own parents found out 3-4 times, but all they did was hit my brother and lecture him. i get no loving from anyone. until i met my ex, she pulled me from my cave, showed me love, affection, fun and everything that i have never experience. I dont want to move on. But dating someone who used to be a playgirl. i dont know. she have nearly 12 ex guys, and flirted with 4 girls. one of the girls was my bestfriend, my relationship with my bestfriend went pfffttt when my bestfriend found out that im dating someone she had a crush on for years. My ex knows. But, yeah. thats my story. part of it. I dont know if i should send her a letter or probably place a note on her car. but im afraid to have see her, and her gf is there. i might get uptight and go kill her (just kidding). sighhh...
