I'm very tired, and very sad, as I have been enduring this feeling for a long time and not sure what to do. Therefore, I need a great advice, which I may take it seriously. I have a crush on a male close friend, which I've mentioned before in my previous post (http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...-i-love-my-best-friend-but-what-am-i-him.html). I'm crushing him for almost a year now, but he is still giving me mixed signals, where good ones are really good but bad ones are really bad. I'm sad because I don't know what myself is going through. He did say that he is being touchy while he's with me because he feels a lot more comfortable with me than anyone else. He also did an extreme joke asking me if he can have sex with me (although I'm panromantic heterosexual, but it's okay), yet sometimes he makes himself very NOT gay by strongly hinting it. We are very close, even closer than best friends, other people would thought that we are in a relationship. I don't know if I should move on, because if things are going like this I can't feel secure. Should I find another person to be in love with?
Have you tried talking to him about how you feel? I think you should try having a long chat with him and let him know how you feel.
Before I get into anything let me say I know how it sucks to have feelings for a close friend and not have it reciprocated. I feel your pain dude. I have a few suggestions for how you go about things, Is this guy aware of your orientation (panromantic)? You said he's sending you mixed signals, both good and bad, so whether or not he knows about your orientation, I think you need to address this with him. Whether this will affect the closeness of your friendship (from what I remember from your last thread) I can't really say, but I'm focusing more on the sadness you mentioned. The signals he's sending are causing a lot of strain and such emotional baggage can cause some damage over time. If the signals stop and he's honest, that gives you something to work with and help you figure out where to go from there. If you'd rather not take this route and potentially damage your friendship, trying to distance yourself from him is another route. Not cut him out of your life entirely, but maybe try to spend less time with him to focus on yourself. Spend time with some other friends, join a gym, get a hobby. The key is finding something that will distract your mind from your friend and will help the feelings you have lessen over time. You mentioned your friend is touchy/clingy with you, and I don't know him at all so I'm not sure how spending less time with him will affect him at all, but this option seems more "safe" than the previous if you don't want to hurt him/potentially make things awkward. I wouldn't recommend trying to find someone else to have feelings for because until you resolve the situation at hand and bring about some closure, any attempts you make, even if they seemingly succeed at first will not end pretty at all. I'm sorry if some of what I said seems a little drastic, but from real-life experience this isn't a situation you can sugarcoat or be nice about and have everything end in a happy ending. I hope it at least gives you something to think about, and please do update about how things go or any bumps in the road you need help with.
Thanks for replying. Nope I would not want to take the risk. It is a really really good and close friendship if I do not have crush on him, but he is always seductive and initiative, plus I'm panromantic, and that's why it's hard. Yes I did tell all of my friends that I am panromantic. I feel that he is not honest with himself. I can tell that he's not 100% straight, and normally he will send me good signals but when he send me bad ones, he must be triggered by something he sees or hears that reminds him that "oh I can't be gay, I like girls" as people in the place that I live in are almost all homophobic and gay is negatively viewed. I would not distance myself from him. As I said, he is a very good, perfect friend who helps and guides me a lot all the time, if I do not have crush on him, and he does want to be with me so I do not want to hurt him. He is very observant too and if I choose this route he may notice it and things may go more awkward. Thanks again everyone and I'm better today. I won't be that sad usually but when I start to think deep, I will, again.
Hi Jamescool. I'm glad you feel better today and I wish you luck in whatever decision you choose to make.
Well.. if you think he is repressing his desires and orientation... that's hard to deal with... It sounds healthier to look for someone who is honest with himself, and open, and definitely wants to be with you.... But you may regret not knowing for sure if he would want to be more than friends... so you might want to think about that, and maybe thinking about finding a way to find out for sure, or get closure.... Take care There are plenty of great guys out there, don't worry You can find someone else
Thanks for the reply. However he is still a good friend after all. I'm happy if things stay as they are now, but not him giving me bad signals.
Hi, sorry for bumping an old thread, I wanna update here. My crush did something that may be showing what he really is. We were hanging out and we met some acquaintances, then one of them said that we look good as a couple and those stuffs etc. We were blushing and my crush was declining everything the person said. After that, he suddenly started bashing a random friend of ours who is bisexual, saying that he looks disgusting as he still can't give up wanting someone who does not like him back. My crush also said that a guy liking a guy is disgusting. I'm not sure about it but it seems that it's a trigger again. My crush does not say something like this usually. He's maybe trying so hard not to admit that he himself is not straight when someone says that he's not.
He's clearly repressed. He has issues to deal with, and I think he needs to realize it himself. Be cautious not to get hurt by him. You could try reminding him that there's nothing wrong with same gender attraction? I don't know how he'd take it. However, you seem to be worth a lot to him, so I don't think he'd react too badly.
Thanks for comforting me. I did get hurt by him honestly, when he states that being gay is disgusting, when he himself doesn't actually look straight (to most of the people). He's okay with it actually, especially when both of us are alone, same gender attraction topics isn't a problem for him. But when it comes to a trigger like this, he's totally different. ---------- Post added 6th Dec 2016 at 06:06 AM ---------- Sorry I have to vent a little bit, and may be out of topic as well. My question is, should I hurt people? I seldom hurt anyone's feelings in my life, or even never. I'm the one who is always hurt, but I never tell it. I always let it go even though others have hurt me, and I'll still be kind as ever to them. Recently, I've wondered, am I doing the right thing? Or should I return them back by hurting them back (indirectly)? I have top let others know, I am a human that can feel as well, but on the other side I feel that I may be wrong, as people don't hurt me on purpose, and I guess nobody would have done that as I don't offend people.
