Friends with benefits

Sounds like a sweet situation to me if you are both really ok with it.

Does this not make you question your own sexuality? I mean you must be at least physically turned on when he is performing oral sex on you. I don't want to make you question, I'm just curious about your thoughts on this.

It does not sound like you are going to grow feelings for him but I'm not sure about Brandon not getting feelings for you. If that happens your friendship could suffer.

 

I think as long as you're both clear on what you want from the situation and are ok with the setup then don't let anything stop you from doing something you both enjoy... I think in these type of situations honesty is always important as well as trust, this gives you both an upfront stance on each others feelings and expectations.

 

I had a long term relationship that had ended and I decided I wanted to be single since this was something that had not experienced that much. Since I was not looking for a relationship...there were two guys that I was really cool with that became friends with benefits. Prior to engaging sexually with them...we all sat down and discuss what was expected...what was the restrictions and boundaries because I was also upfront about not wanting to pursue anything serious...just wanted to be fun with no strings attached. For me...communication was very important and the situation worked out great and we are still cool to this day. Therefore, from what you have mentioned in your OP ...I don't see a problem brewing considering that it seems that he just want to perform oral sex from time to time and have not looked for any sexual contact from you so to speak. With that being said...I think you should be okay as long as there is open communication between you two.

 

Sounds like a good FWB relationship to me. I've got one of those friends. We both know we'd never be lovers but hey, fun is fun.

Communication is key, as long as you can be open and honest with each other and, not get upset when the other needs not to play because of a relationship, you're good.

 

I'm just going to play devils advocate here since this discussion has been overwhelmingly one-sided.

It is possible that for the moment you are both happy with this arrangement, but to remind you, he has had a crush on you in the past. While you identify as straight and have no chance of developing further feelings for him (and are also being satisfied sexually), there is a much bigger chance that his crush will reemerge at some point or that he will eventually want something sexual in return as a result of your actions. While I don't have a problem with this arrangement by theory, it seems kind of unfair and selfish that the chance of becoming emotionally invested is grossly unbalanced. Especially considering you said you had no interest in this when you contacted him to meet up.

Everything always seems like a good idea while it's going well until it isn't. Just something to think about.

 

The only problem with FWB is when someone catches feelings, which is pretty common, and most FWB don't last as long for that reason. If he has no feelings, there is no issue. But if he did have a crush on you in the past, there is a slight risk something could come up in the future, even if he doesn't know it now. If you do realize he wants more later on, THEN it would be ethical for you to end this arrangement as to not hurt him. BUT, if he doesn't have any feelings at all, and just wants some fun, I see no problems with continuing this.

As a note to the first commenter, it is very possible for a straight person to engage sexually with the same sex. Straight women do it with other women all the time, but as a society, we never ask them to question their sexuality. We need to realize that straight men aren't all that different in this regard. The only problem is that sometimes when it involves actual gay people...it can get a bit iffy. Straight girls experimenting with lesbians has been known to cause drama and hurt, so I'm not sure if the straight guy/gay guy dynamic is the same. He might not have any feelings, which I hope he doesn't, but the sexual encounter could have a different meaning because of his sexuality. I would just have an honest, open discussion to make sure everyone is on the same page.

 

Of course this is a touchy subject. This friend is the one who initiated the sexual relationship again, so that makes it seem he is obviously all on board. However, just going along with it without talking to him more about it first may strain your relationship in the future. So I agree with the previous comments about asking him to share his feelings and discussing the possibilities of what it could lead to in the future in way of your friendship. If one day he does find a boyfriend, or you find a girlfriend, the fact that you had a sexual relationship may lead either one of you to end the friendship. So talk to him about this reality, and go from there.

 

That's awesome Jacob D:

I think you guys are doing great and like you've mentioned...there is trust, honesty and communication which I think is the main components to obtain the respect and courtesy within this kind of a situation. In my previous FWB situation...everyone has moved on and the thing is that we all still support and contact each other for advice, suggestions, etc. and maybe that is because first and foremost...there was a friendship that was established with all parties prior to the FWB situation like you and your friend. So with that already established...the other components that are mentioned were not an issue. Take care...JS

 

You do the same and I have no doubt that things will be the same for you and Brandon...JS :smilewave

 

Well I identify as gay but I can almost guarantee I would have no problem cumming from a hj or bj given by an attractive woman. Now I have not actually tested this theory but I have gotten hard before when touched by women.

I think it comes down to who you are wholly attracted to, who you actually want a romantic relationship with. Maybe I'm actually bisexual I'm not sure. I just know that I'm really not interested in a romantic relationship with a woman. So basically I'm gay.

Only you can really say for sure.

 

I had this straight friend awhile back and he and I would hang out a lot. He had a lot of female admirers and his phone was always blowing up with women trying to reach him. I have to say that he was really, really, really handsome. However, because he was a straight guy...I respected him to the fullest which I had assumed was probably why we had such a close knit friendship due to this. One night while having dinner...he asked me if I thought he was good looking and if so..why I never made a pass at him? Honestly, I was taken a back by this because although he was hot...I just never gave it any thought because he told me ...HE WAS STRAIGHT!!!!. I told him that I would not make a pass at a straight friend because of the fact of being straight and out of respect for myself and him.

I am going to skip a lot of details in order to minimize my response to this post. Anyway, as time progressed...this guy made several passes at me. In fact, the more I resist...the more he wanted me. Things had gotten so out of control that he initiated sex with me which led to us having sex all the time to the point that he started spending a lot of time with me instead of hanging out with his straight friends. What I found really puzzling was that after a few months of having intense and passionate sex with this guy...he would from time to time tell me..."You know I am not gay right???"!!!!

Honestly...I had a difficult time wrapping my head around this because the more we had sex...the more he opened up sexuality to me and I mean...LITERALLY!!!!. He opened up so much that I began to think that I was not the first guy he had sex with as he proclaimed. Especially the way his body responded and his body reaction to whatever I did to him and the way he bottomed. Not like a virgin...!!!!!

Therefore, instead of trying to figure him out...I finally came to the conclusion that this was something that he had to come to grips with...not me because only he knew for sure what his sexual identity was even though I had my thoughts and opinions. Nonetheless...AHHHH!!!! GREAT MEMORIES!!!!!!...haha