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Holiday Blues

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by warrior452, Nov 20, 2016.

  1. warrior452

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    Feeling kinda bummed and getting more and more uncomfortable with the prospect of the coming holidays. Already having to deal with, I don't know what you'd call it, ("emotional blackmail"?) from my family, and I think it's only going to get worse going into the holidays. Basically, instead of embracing me for being lgbt, or having open conversation with me about what's going on in my life, my parents are still making it all about them.

    It's kind of like, "You're the one causing a rift between us, and we can fix that if at any time, if you decide to drop all of this and not be the problem child anymore." Plus, it's going to get worse going into the holidays: "I want to have a good Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I don't want to have to deal with you acting this way, and having this tension between us (my parents speaking)" So you basically need to get over yourself....

    And then there's Trump and the election - not looking forward to Thanksgiving....

    Any help or tips on navigating this through the holidays?
     
  2. OGS

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    I guess it really depends what the rest of your situation is like. I can honestly say that if that was the vibe I was getting from my parents I would simply have not attended either holiday. If they asked why I would simply explain that given how things are I could find more enjoyable ways to spend the holiday(s). And there really are a lot of great things to do for the holidays that don't involve traditional family. Both my husband and I used to manage in big box retail and we live quite a ways from either family so going home for either holiday was not really an option. So we developed our own traditions about how we spend the holidays with each other and with our friends. And then we would visit our families in January (everybody needs a pick me up in mid-January any way:lol:slight_smile:. Neither of us are actually in that profession any more and that's still how we do it, not because we have to but because that's how we do it and how we enjoy it.

    On the other hand if you're sixteen you may need to just keep your head down, grit your teeth and get through it...

    Either way I hope the holidays bring you joy.
     
  3. DianaLives

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    Hey

    You are definitely not alone in this, for many LGBTQ people the holidays are nothing but nightmare, from the dreading feeling of loneliness to the envy of other families who get to enjoy themselves. I have definitely been there. This is why organizations like ¨Your Holiday Mom¨ exist and do what they do.

    Now I can´t really help you with this but what I can suggest is, if you do not want to deal with that type of emotional abuse (which honestly who wants to) you can call a really close friend and ask if you can spend christmas or thanksgiving with them and their family. You don´t have to go into detail with them but you can explain that ¨your family doesnt feel like a family anymore¨ and hopefully they´ll understand, besides the holidays are about sharing anyway.

    Another suggestion could be to manage and get hold of the situation when your family tries to blackmail you again. For example: If the topic comes back during dinner, simply say ¨This isn´t a nice topic to have right now, can we change the subject?.¨ and if they keep it up say that you will remove yourself from the conversation if they can´t manage themselves. Now this is something that requires a lot of strenght and maturity to pull off, and it could be potentially dangerous, so first I think you should see how your parents manage conflicts before trying this. If you don´t see them posing any risk to your physical health, I would suggest you doing this.

    My kindest regards and Good luck!

    ---------- Post added 20th Nov 2016 at 04:45 PM ----------

    Also don´t ever let them make you feel guilty for their own immature and abusive behavior !! forgot to mention that.
     
  4. Gleeko0

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    I second that.

    I don't live with my parents (mum and dad) anymore. I live with my grandparents that are super accepting. Still, a few months after I moved I had to pass the holidays with friends because my mum was chasing me and emotionally harassing me. So, please, if you can, go spend the holidays with friends. Its the best thing you can do.

    And don't feel guilty about it! You are not the source of all evil. Thats what they want you to think. I've been trough the same. I stress: do not give them what they want. Do not accept that you are the source of all problems. They have a problem with themselves, and its called bigotry.
     
    #4 Gleeko0, Nov 20, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2016
  5. DianaLives

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    If you were able to have a nice Holidays please let us know(and tell us how you did it), I´d love to hear from you in the future.
     
  6. Astrocyte

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    There's enough of this I can relate to, having been in this position 12 months ago and being in a fairly miserable position. I'm not sure when you came out, but in my case it was only around that time and my family were still coming to terms with it. I can particularly relate to how they are making this an issue about themselves, rather than supporting and reaching out to you at a time where you are most vulnerable and in need of help. If it is any help, 12 months later I am now in a great position where my family has come around and really understands what has happened. I'm not sure how your family feels about LGBT+ issues, but my family were pretty traditional and conservative, and fairly ignorant about the LGBT+ community. If you feel the relationship is salvageable, keep working through it, be patient, and don't give up hope. Wishing you all the best. (*hug*)