How do you send signals when you like someone?

I suppose another version of this question is: what do y'all do when you're romantically interested in someone vs. when you're just showing affection among friends?

I ask in part because I get really physically affectionate with friends once I've gotten close to them, but here's the actual situation that prompted this question:

There's this guy I really like. I don't know what his sexuality is (even after having searched through social media a bit), so I'm not even sure it's a possibility that he might like me. But we've hung out a few times around other people, and at a party the other day he was actively asking me questions about work and what books I like and other personal things like that, and responding really positively. He made a lot of sustained eye contact, and he would occasionally pat my back right between the shoulder blades and just keep his hand there for a minute as we were talking.

Part of what leaves me unsure is that, while I'm usually attracted to people who are a bit bolder or more outgoing, this guy is sort of shy and reserved, so I could potentially imagine him starting to make a move and then backing off or deciding against it.

I'll probably suck it up and ask this guy out to coffee soon, but more importantly, I was curious what other people do to try and show someone that they're interested.

 

I usually do it with physical cues like hugging etc since I'm not someone to do that often.

 

Yes and no. It depends on the person I like. When I like someone, I always try to be friendly, but I can never give them eye contact. I'm passive by nature, so I'm usually drawn to people with a domineering nature. Sometimes, I will completely ignore them to try and hide how I feel. But, if they approach me, I'm very friendly and I try to get to know them. Sometimes I even like people who act shy around me, but seem to have a domineering flare. It all just depends.

From reading what you wrote above, it seems that this guy *might* like you. I study people's actions and I've never known a guy to act the way this guy is acting around you. Guys usually don't pat other guy's backs like that, at least not where I'm from (Alabama). I don't think I've ever noticed a guy asking another guy a lot of questions like that, either. It could be possible that he's just friendly and quirky, but in my opinion, I don't think that's the case. I definitely think you should ask him out for coffee and see what happens.

 

Personally I'm very touchy with my friends. I hug them a lot and play with their hair etc etc. So if a crush happens to be someone I'm already friends with, I'll try to hug them and be around them as much as possible. If they're not a close friend, I'll try to show my interest by smiling at them a lot, always making eye contact and talking to them a lot, making sure they know I notice them(always giving a smile or a wave when I see them) and making an effort to let them know we have similar interests. Anything that makes them feel appreciated without necessarily even making them suspect feelings. Sometimes I do like to test the waters, so to speak, and try extra hard to look good when I know they'll be around me more.

But I think my most obvious sign of having a crush on someone is how awkward and chatty I become around them :lol:

 

He sounds like someone who is looking for a meeting of minds, whether that be for a friend or boyfriend. Some people don't like to chat about the weather, fashion, gossip - instead they go straight for deep questions and try to understand how your mind ticks. Sounds like he's one of these. But people like that are looking for that connection in both friendship and romantic relationships. (I am one of those.)

Eye contact, a lot of smiling, gentle teasing are probably ways I show romantic interest, or even just casual flirting (I am happily married). Though in the UK taking the piss out of someone in a clever way is considered a flirting tactic, apparently doesn't work so well in the US.

---------- Post added 21st Nov 2016 at 05:47 PM ----------

Sorry, taking the piss is British slang for teasing and insulting.