I'm currently 16 and a junior in high school. I have had a crush on this guy since 6th grade and it's always been there. We have always had classes together and have always known each other mostly because of band. We haven't really been close until this school year because we have 5 classes together. So naturally, we got to know each other quite well. Of course, this also meant my crush just intensified. We hung out for the first time yesterday, we went shopping and had dinner over a long conversation. It was one of the best nights I've had in a long time and I had a lot of fun. I'm pretty sure he's not gay because he has had a girlfriend before but he broke up with her (for good reasons). I'm partially out of the closet. I don't go around flaunting my sexuality but if someone asks, I will honestly answer. He probably does suspect I am gay because he asked once, "is there a special girl or guy in your life?" Which really threw me off because he said girl or guy. I had a dream the same night after we hung out about him and I'm really crushing hard. I know it's not healthy for myself to obsess over a guy I can't have. What should I do? Should I tell him I'm gay, that I have a crush on him, or just don't say anything and keep him as a friend?
I think you should come out to him, see his reaction, and then wait a while and confess to him. Sadly, most straight crushes never return the feelings, so be prepared for disappointment, but I think you should do what I suggested (although I'm horrible at advice, so don't listen to me, lmao)
I really want to come out to him too. But I don't know how he'll react and I really do want to stay friends because he's one of the best persons I have ever met. Totally logical that they will not return the feelings if they're straight and I respect that. Part of me knows that I should get it over with but I'm just having so much trouble accepting the consequences.
I really doubt he would judge you, seeing as he asked you if you had a special girl OR boy in your life. You coming out to him should not be an issue for your friendship.
My advice would be to go ahead and have the talk with him. I wish I would have had my talk much earlier. Wait for a decent opportunity- don't do it around other people, don't do it at either of your homes. Do it in a neutral location (a park, etc.). If he was up for holding your hand for an extended period of time (and ESPECIALLY in front of other people) I think that is a very strong sign. Picking you up to pose for a picture together is also a really strong sign! Like I said, I would go for it sooner than later. The only reason I haven't done it yet in my situation is because of other considerations (my family, etc.) but I am doing it soon. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. You also run the risk of him losing interest...and you don't want that. Good luck! (*hug*)
Thank you, this is great advice. Had another little situation occur tonight. I was out with my family for Thanksgiving and he texts me if I wanted to go shopping with him again. I had to decline because I was also going to a wedding later tonight. He jokingly asked if it was my wedding and I went along with the joke and said yes. Then he replies "So who's the lucky guy?" I just paused for about 30 seconds and didn't know how to respond. I've been replying to his texts almost instantaneously at this point so he could sense my hesitation and adds on "or girl." I think we might do something tomorrow and if it feels right, I will ask. Thank you again, this advice has been super helpful. I will update whenever possible.
He is basically asking you to have the talk. Don't waste the opportunity! Go for it! I think you will be pleased with how it turns out. Good luck!
Dude, he likes you. Or I'm 97% sure he does. He's already made it clear that he knows you're into guys, and he's doing date-like things with you and flirting like crazy. Worst case scenario, he's a really friendly straight guy who doesn't care that you're gay. But the most logical explanation is that he likes you. Definitely talk with him tomorrow. Good luck.
We're going to go Black Friday shopping tomorrow and we'll see. I was talking with one of my close friends about what she thinks. She mentioned that he said in a conversation once that he believes sexuality is fluid which definitely caught my attention. Maybe this is actually going somewhere.
Well, today didn't go like I wished. He had brought along a mutual friend and I was third-wheeling for most of it. They have been friends for much longer so I don't blame him. But after a while, the mutual friend became really whiny because he wasn't a fan of shopping and my crush literally barks at him, "then just go home, you don't have to be here." He was really rude the entire time. The other friend also offered him to try on something and quietly says "I'm not a f***ing faggot." I didn't say anything but honestly, it surprised me a little. I didn't make a move and I just went home after that. It was really tense between all of us and I didn't like the feeling. We all left a little salty and he went back to work even though he wasn't scheduled that day.
The crush said that line when the mutual friend offered him to try it on. ---------- Post added 25th Nov 2016 at 07:14 PM ---------- And I can't imagine that a gay/bi guy would ever say that. I think it's safe to assume that he isn't. But after the mutual friend left, it was just us and it was pleasant again. We talked about our lives and the conversation was pleasant again. We shared some laughs then went home. I'm just going to ignore him for a few days and see how he responds.
Wow, him saying that was really intense. It's also really strange because he seems really inquisititive about your sexuality. I think you should keep this guy at arm's length. That was really hostile of him to say in light of everything else you mentioned. It sounds like he's either 1) a rude idiot. 2) questioning his sexuality and freaked out, or 3) something weird and more problematic. Idk. I wouldn't come out to him just yet.
Personally, I think there might have been something with the other friend being present. Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable seeming ''less straight'' around him? You know, since they've been friends longer, maybe he's afraid to change how he's perceived. I'm not saying what he said was okay, but I think you should at least give him the benefit of the doubt.
Yeah, I agree. It felt very out of place based on all the events leading up to it. Sometimes I feel really close to him and other times it feels very distant and we barely know each other because he changes so much. I really want to go with option 1) a rude idiot. Up to this point, I couldn't understand why people at my school disliked him but maybe it's becoming more clear now. My friends are telling me (bad) things about him that I never heard before that I could do a lot better. If it's not working out, I don't want to waste time chasing after him - there is no point. Maybe the other friend did affect how he was acting. The mutual friend is a devout Mormon so maybe that played a role. They've been friends for a long time and they seem to get along well...except for today where things seemed a little tense. I definitely will stay away for a while and guard myself. Thank you all for the insight. It's really helping me because I need to share with someone but not reveal everything to my friends.
I agree with what others have said – it sounds like he was tense because he felt weird about having his old friend around you, and also because he probably just wanted to spend time with you and this guy was getting in the way. And in my experience, people often swing between flirtatiousness and homophobia when they're feeling insecure about their own sexuality. Not that any of this excuses his behaviour. I hope it was just a one-off, but if you see more signs of jerk behaviour then be careful.
With the extra you've written, I'd definitely start keeping some distance. Last time I dealt with someone who was so hot and cold like you're saying, and with a universally bad rep, they were bad business. Manipulative. Really off. I know how it feels to be attracted to that type of person and confused by all of their actions. Do yourself a favor. Don't dig further. You may not like what you get into. On the other hand, maybe they're just misunderstood. But that was kind of a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. Even if they were freaked out about their sexuality, there's no reason to have said that. And it doesn't mean that people who are bi or gay or pan don't say things like that as a cover up, but that does mean that they're really struggling and super in the closet if they are - that's not something you want to deal with either. Not for the closetedness, but for the hostility in the outburst. Saying "fucking faggot" feels like bad news.
Thank you, it's hard but I agree with a lot of the points you made. I have already kept some distance and will try to ignore him for a while. I'm getting too distracted by this entire situation and it's taking away from the bigger, more important things I need to do. I agree there was absolutely no reason to say what he said. Maybe he thought I wouldn't hear it because he said it under his breath and I was a good 10 feet away in a loud, crowded store. I definitely don't like the vibe I'm getting from him right now. Thank you for helping me assure that I'm not making the wrong decisions. You guys have all been so incredibly helpful.
Hey guys, my last major final update. I was hanging out tonight with 3 other friends in the park. One of them is another gay friend that I know well but we walked off together and just talked for a few hours. He says that my crush does the same thing to him and overall sends a lot of mixed signals so he knows where I'm coming from. We talked a lot about my crush. Gay friend sends a Snapchat to my crush and he ends up showing up again. I just tried to ignore him and not talk to him. But he kept asking me over and over again if I was okay. We talked, some feelings were exchanged but in the end - it all worked out. I won't delve into too much detail. We're in a good place; my feelings for him are over. I want to hate him, but I can't. Thank you all so much for being so supportive through all of this.
