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My friend drunkenly came out, and doesn't remember

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by L0ser, Nov 23, 2016.

  1. L0ser

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    Or he doesn't want to mention it. Monday I heard a few classmates talking about a party that happened Saturday, which I couldn't make it to, but they were talking about how after a lot of drinking he let it slip that he was gay.

    Now, I had wondered about it for a while and wasn't surprised, but I'm not sure how to approach him about it. I want to let him know that I'm supportive but after some light prodding(asking about the party, and asking if he remembers anything after he mentioned how drunk he was.) But either he really doesn't remember or is regretting saying anything. So I've been avoiding talking about it behind his back, and have kept my mouth shut about it.

    I mean, I know that if I did that I wouldn't want others talking about it behind me so I'm trying to act as if I don't know, but plenty of other people do and keep talking about it.

    So, should I say anything? I don't think confronting him would end up well, it hasn't in the past with other topics, and I don't want to put that kind of pressure on him. Am I right to ignore it until he decides to be open about it? :confused:
     
  2. Quantumreality

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    Hey L0ser,

    I'd say that it depends largely on you at this point. If you'd like to have him as another LGBTQ friend/acquaintance, it probably means that the ball is in your court - i.e. you would need to Come Out to him, if you feel that you can trust him with your information.

    If he knows that you are LGBTQ, he SHOULDN'T have an issue with Coming Out to you in return. However, if he is in personal denial, the everything is up in the air in terms of him also Coming Out to you.

    How strongly do you feel one way or the other? Do you feel like taking a chance? Do you really care if he trusts you with his sexuality?
     
  3. L0ser

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    I care about him as a friend, and he's been depressed the last year or so and I think that some of it might have to do with his sexuality. I've been considering coming out to him, but right now I know too little about his actual situation. Right now I'm just trying to be a good friend, and if the right time comes to do it casually then I'll come out to him and try to talk about it with him.

    But I don't want to make anything awkward, and I can understand if he doesn't want to tell anyone, and if he doesn't tell that would be okay too as long as he's feeling okay.
     
  4. Quantumreality

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    Hey L0ser,

    You sound like a good friend. And, as you know you should never pressure anyone to Come Out. But you could drop occasional, casual hints that your are pro-LGTBQ - maybe mentioning LGTBQ issues that happen to be in the news in a positive light, for example.

    Maybe a time will come when you might feel comfortable Coming Out to him, but that is your own personal decision, of course.

    Other than that, you should just continue to be there for him like you indicate that you have been.

    Good luck!:slight_smile: