I am planning to come out to my "straight" best friend (crush) in the next week or so and wondering what advice to give him on how to deal with me afterwards. You can read the full story here. Lets assume for the purpose of this thread that he doesn't feel the same way about me that I feel about him (this still remains a question). I'm fairly confident he will be as supportive as possible and willing to do anything to help me get over him. If he asks, what kind of ideas would you all suggest I give him on how to help? Specifically, what about saying "I love you", extended hugs, sleeping in the same bed together, etc.? Should I ask that this stuff continue or no? What about the time we spend together? Should it remain constant or should I ask that we reduce it? Increase it? I know that a lot of this stuff will be based on how we each feel but right now I have no idea. In this situation the priority will be maintaining the friendship while also helping me through this difficult situation. Hopefully others who have been through the same situation can give me an idea of what does and doesn't help. And I guess I should go ahead and spill the beans that I have the crush on him? What if he doesn't specifically ask? Thanks!!
I read through the other thread you posted and I'm a similar situation. I'm a junior in high school and I have had a crush on this guy since 6th grade, so it's been about 6 years. It was always a distant crush - we knew each other but never interacted much. This year, we have 5 classes together so naturally, we became a lot closer. Similar to your situation, has had one girlfriend before but he broke up with her a few months ago because she was unfaithful. I'm not completely out yet but if someone asks, I will truthfully tell them. He hasn't asked yet though. But he has asked me, "is there a special girl or guy in your life?" That really threw me off, I panicked and I turned the conversation around. We've hung out a few times, with each "date" making me more confused than the previous. The first time, we went shopping then had dinner. He made some remarks while shopping that would lead me to believe he is straight. Like he picked up a pair of bright red pants and said jokingly "would a straight man ever wear this?" Just yesterday, we went to a really beautiful park together with 2 other friends who were taking pictures along the trail. We went off a different path so it was just us together walking and talking for about an hour. Eventually, we ran into our friends again and one of them jokingly yelled at us "eww I hate PDA (public display of affection)." He reached his hand out and told me to hold it, so we just held hands and kept walking for a few minutes. After that, one of them asked if he could take a picture of us. Before I could say anything, he says yes and picks me up to pose for the picture. And it's just little things like these that make me question his sexuality. He gives me these long hugs for no reason, he grabs me by the shoulder when he walks past my desk during class, gives me back massages at school and says "I love you" for no reason. This morning, he texts me a long paragraph about how he is really thankful that he got to know me and how great of a person I am. I think I'm in a similar boat as you. There's a lot of things he does that makes me think he's gay/bi but also straight sometimes. Part of me wants to hope he's straight, so that I can get these feelings over with and just be friends with him. But another part of me wants something more. And even as much as I appreciate his little gestures, what would change if I told him I was gay? Would it make things awkward? ---------- Post added 24th Nov 2016 at 05:22 PM ---------- And reading through the responses in your other thread, it's scary how similar our situations are and how we are both reacting to this. Just like you, I really want to come out to him. And I'd be okay if we stop being friends even though I would be hurt. It would probably scare me even more if we remained good friends after coming out because he would know I had feelings for him which would change the entire dynamic. I won't see him in person again for a couple more days but I really want to come out to him in person when it feels appropriate. I have no doubt that things will change between us, the hugs, the "dates" and the massages will probably stop but I think I'm okay with that if he never really had feelings in the first place. Please let me know and keep us updated on what happens. Maybe it'll help me with my situation. Reading your story has already helped me a lot because I know I'm not in the only one struggling in this situation.
Thank you, the insight was really helpful! Please keep us updated with your story too, I'm interested to see how everything turns out.
I don't think you can make rules like that beforehand, all you can do is see how it goes and take it from there. You don't how he'll react, and you don't know how you'll react to his reaction. All you can do is leave it open for discussion and take it one day at a time.
