Being happy with myself not with other people

Hi All,

I am struggling with the whole being on my own and enjoying my own company and talking/chatting/texting/meeting people.

To explain, I have moved about 5 times in the last year and now have moved to a small country town where I don't know anyone working on a job that the community doesn't really want/care about. I am the only person from the organisation who is here and the nearest person is 18 hours drive away. I supervise young people aged 17-24 and they are the only people I interact with on a daily basis and I can't be friends with them for obvious reasons.

So now for a while, almost ever since I came into this job I have not gone out at all socially unless forced to if a parent decides to visit once for a holiday. I have been really upset and lonely and I'm losing my appetite, dodgy sleep patterns, lack of energy and lots of paranoia always worrying and not knowing what people think. So is this all something I should be working out on my own? Ie. I should just be sitting at home reading books etc and not talking to other people just sorting issues on my own? I am really lost at the moment. I feel so guilty for talking and even writing something on here at the moment. I was focussing on my job heaps but now my job feels like it's falling apart and I don't know what to do..

Hope that all makes sense.
Cheers
Caecilian65

 

Thanks asking! Yeah I think perspective is good. I should be talking to my budgie more so that hopefully he doesn't ignore me so much and I can train him. It is just so hard I just seem to get stuck into this world of worry, anxiety and feeling isolated and just shut off when something goes bad rather than sorting it out.. I don't understand myself sometimes

 

Thanks everyone! It is really to know your not alone and what a supportive community. Even though I struggle to admit that to myself as I don't feel I'm worth it. I don't really know what is going to happen. I am speaking to a professional now which is kinda scary and embarrassing. I hope though it will help.me a bit. I am not if taking time off will be possible really.

Cheers
Caecilian65

 

Correction: I should say "I am not sure if taking time off will be possible really". I don't get leave or anything like that in my job.

To answer Astrocyte and others: I do like my job. I love that I can work in the environment and make a difference in a small local community the plants and animals are different and cool . Yet, I don't talk to anyone else and I don't go out because I'm supposed to be seen as professional and work hard. Now people are leaving again for jobs elsewhere and the funder might stop funding the program as not enough as being done. I can't go out in the field to get work done myself. That is frustrating for me as I like to be active. I don't know if that helps answer the queries at all. I am pretty lost myself sometimes.

 

Thanks everyone! I still don't know sometimes. Seeing a professional though who comes to visit me has been helpful. My job has now been cancelled (not enough people to supervise - only 2 left) and I have ended up taking a job with them for another 6 months about 12 hours drive away. I tried so hard to keep this going driving around and asking everyone for more young people to work/get a study allowance working in the local area but it didnt happen. I didnt make the final decision I gueas it was company that pulled out not me. Although first I have set up a display for an endangered animal in the local library here and drive 9 hours to take the work vehicle somewhere.. I get a different work vehicle once I move which I will have to pick up from 3 hours away... this state is so big sometimes! I'm definitely keeping busy but I hope that Christmas and New Year will give me a little chance to refuel..

The professional has been great and it's really nice to have someone in person to listen to all my ramblings and things going on in and outside my head.

Hope that all makes sense.