1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Crushing on a gay friend, he's not responding.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Gravity Defyer, Nov 30, 2016.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Gravity Defyer

    Gravity Defyer
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2011
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So I have this "good" friend. (Not best, not regular) who I've known for several years who is also gay, we'll call him Maurice.

    For the longest time I've denied I'm attracted to him... I mean, he is handsome but not exactly what I find attractive, but recently we've become closer and I'm starting to crush on him. We've been talking more now than ever before.

    Even the other day at campus I saw a really cute boy and told a good straight mutual friend "Wow, that boy IS CUTE!" and she told me "Who? The one that looks like Maurice?" And I thought "Oh my, I DO like him" (She has NO idea Maurice is gay. Maurice is out but doesn't really talk about it)

    The other day I found myself daydreaming about him kissing me and caught myself smiling like a happy idiot (That's when I knew I really like him) :kiss:

    The problem is he shows no sign of being attracted to me, I'm 95% sure I'm only "a friend" to him. He sometimes compliments my clothes or facial features but I'm not sure if that's only what a friend would say.

    I don't really know what his "type" is... However he often talks to me about hot guys he sees at campus and how he wishes he could talk to them. I always listen and give him pep talks and encourage him to do so.

    I'm losing my mind because I wish he'd notice me as something more than a friend but I don't want to make a move or be too obvious about it because it would ruin our friendship and I don't wanna lose it.

    I've hinted at him that I'm single, I've tried to show up to ALL of his games (he plays football), I've told him "we could do X thing together" to which he answers "Yeah, I'll tell the whole gang!"

    He has always been shy, and distant wich makes it more difficult for me to know what he's thinking or feeling. (He always smile though, so he's not cold hearted)

    Is he not interested in me or just plain oblivious?

    What would you do about this? :help:
     
    #1 Gravity Defyer, Nov 30, 2016
  2. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey Ambipom,

    Why don't you just talk to him? Maybe ask him if he'd like to go out on a date with you?

    If you didn't even realize that you liked him 'that way' until you had a talk with your mutual friend the other day, what makes you think that there were 'more than friendship' signals from you for him to even possibly pick up on? Maybe he hasn't really thought about more than just friendship with you either.

    I think the only way to really know is to talk to him.:slight_smile:
     
    #2 Quantumreality, Nov 30, 2016
  3. Gravity Defyer

    Gravity Defyer
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2011
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi Quantumreality!

    I'm afraid of asking him on a date because I think that will "scare" him and drive him away from me :frowning2:

    Maybe something less direct? But what?

    And by the way... I do believe I gave signals in the past, like years ago (not with that intension but that could be read as such) Once I leaned on his shoulder (my head) and he immediatly shook it off. That was kind of rude (Wich is weird because he is always kind...)

    Then we went camping on a field trip of campus and wrote letters to each other as a "bonding" activity. Truth is I was quite drunk and don't really remember what I wrote but I believe it was something flirty... (I am always "flirting" with my friends even the straight ones so I had no intention of seducing him) When I asked him what I had written (I really don't remember) he just smiled and said he wouldn't. Like... WTF?

    I really don't know what to do...

    ---------- Post added 30th Nov 2016 at 06:53 PM ----------

    Whoops I wrote something incorrectly, what I meant is:

    "When I asked him what I had written (I really don't remember) he just smiled and said he wouldn't tell me. Like... WTF?"
     
    #3 Gravity Defyer, Nov 30, 2016
  4. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So, Ambipom,

    It sounds like the two of you have been friends for quite a while.

    I wouldn't think that a straightforward conversation with you telling him that you think you're starting to crush on him and asking him if there is any possibility it could go anywhere should be a problem, should it? And you could preface, if you felt it necessary, that his friendship to you is more important that anything else 'so don't take this the wrong way, but there is something I want to talk to you about.'

    If you're normally the flirty type and he's kind of shy or somewhat socially awkward, he may not have picked up on your signals. I have a gay friend who, like you, is very, very flirty. I have zero doubt about his signals, but he knows that while I love him to death as a friend, I don't like him 'that way.' So, I tolerate a lot more flirtatious behavior from him than pretty much anyone else and he will inevitably cross the lines so that I have to call him out on it and then he acts meekly like it didn't happen. So, my point here is that, depending on the type of 'normal' relationship you have developed with him, the only way you may get through to him is to have a straightforward talk with him.

    Just some thoughts.:slight_smile:
     
    #4 Quantumreality, Nov 30, 2016
  5. Gravity Defyer

    Gravity Defyer
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2011
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I guess I'm afraid that, being so different, he won't see me as something more than a friend... An I do care about him and could not handle being rejected It's too complicated. Having crushes is awful :frowning2:
     
    #5 Gravity Defyer, Nov 30, 2016
  6. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I definitely understand, Amipom, but having an UNRESOLVED crush - especially on someone whom you are around a lot - can be even more awful.:icon_sad:

    If you've known him for a long time, why would he suddenly throw away your friendship if you were to admit that you were starting to crush on him? Straight guys I know can handle it just fine and it doesn't affect their friendship with their gay/bi friend; it just means the crush isn't going anywhere. Why couldn't your friend handle your crush? You'll never know if it's a dead-end or if it might actually go somewhere until/unless you at least talk to him about it.
     
    #6 Quantumreality, Nov 30, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2016
  7. Gravity Defyer

    Gravity Defyer
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2011
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    You're right... I always expect the worst so maybe that's why I'm afraid. Once I confessed my love to a crush and It was disastrous, but he wasn't eben my friend.

    As you have pointed out, my friend should handle this better. I'll eventually tell him... Not tomorrow, not this week, but someday.

    ---------- Post added 30th Nov 2016 at 07:44 PM ----------

    *even

    Thanks for your thoughts!
     
    #7 Gravity Defyer, Nov 30, 2016
  8. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    And you don't have to confess your love to your friend, just tell him that you are developing a crush on him and want to know if it has a chance of going anywhere.

    Heck, even if he says yes, you'll still have a long way to go with dating, etc to see if it might turn into a long-term romantic relationship.

    Best of luck!:slight_smile:
     
    #8 Quantumreality, Nov 30, 2016
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)