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My Parents Didn't Know About Conversion Therapy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by FalconBlueSky00, Nov 30, 2016.

  1. FalconBlueSky00

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    The stars aligned and I actually had a decent calm political conversation with my dad and stepmom. They are very conservative. They wanted to know why I don't like Trump/Pence. And when I got to Pence I told them that I don't like that he supports conversion therapy. They looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language and asked what's that. When I told them they looked both appalled, and like they thought it might it some conspiracy theory I read. I still don't think they believe me, and I'd like to tell them about more stuff now that I think they probably have never heard about a lot of LGBT problems. At the same time I'm not ready to come out to them yet, and I don't want them asking how I know all this. There's just too much else going on in my life for that right now.

    It was nice though, my dad who has said some awful things in the past said that "He doesn't have anything against gay people." Which surprised me. It could be that he's going to a more liberal church lately, I hope he sticks with that, could make my life a lot easier down the road.
     
  2. Astrocyte

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    Hi there. :slight_smile: My parents were fairly conservative too, and I found that any prejudice against the LGBT+ community and related issues stemmed from ignorance. A lot of the time their tune changed or they happened to passively agree with whatever company was around should it ever enter into conversation. They also used to ask me if I was gay a lot (I kept saying no because I wasn't ready, and their attitude towards gays always seemed ambiguous). It sounds like your family might be in the same boat. If so, it definitely makes the situation very difficult to read in terms of how to approach the situation. In the end I took the plunge and came out to them, and I got a very confused response. For example, they told me that they loved me but not my sexuality, and they wanted to know when I turned gay and if there was anything they could do to turn it back. In the mean time, they told me not to tell anyone else. :S It took about eight months to finally achieve full understanding and acceptance and it involved plenty of uncomfortable and awkward conversations. However, they were never violent or aggressive towards me, and they made it clear that they weren't going to turn their back on me. It was a difficult experience but now that I'm over it, it was definitely worth it.
     
  3. FalconBlueSky00

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    Astrocyte,
    I'm glad to hear that it was worth the fight. Your response is very encouraging.
     
  4. beenthrdonetht

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    I see that Pence has now denied that he was ever for conversion therapy. Well you can fool some of the people some of the time, etc.
     
  5. Astrocyte

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    I'm glad sharing my experience was helpful! Is there anything that I described that is similar to the behaviour of your parents, or do they have a more defined sense of homophobia?
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    Anybody with a degree of human compassion (conservative or not) should be appalled by conversion therapy. Let's take the religion and politics out of it and call it what it is - cruel, damaging and dangerous.
     
  7. FalconBlueSky00

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    My parents are very influenced by conservative talk radio and news stations. Their biggest problem is believing in the stereotypes and conspiracy theories that they hear/watch on those programs. When presented with real people they always seem to think that those people are an exception to a rule that they believe. They are wealthy and live in a bubble of reality in a large part because of that. I wish homophobia was the only failing they have.

    Despite that, when they see a POC they care about miss treated, or in the case me and my dad spoke about denied a big position because of being black, they get completely irate. They aren't uncaring unfeeling people but sometimes they say horrible things. They would never deny someone a job baised on the just the fact of skin color or sexual orientation, I know for a fact.

    I've grown up in this environment from every side. And I've always been deeply bothered by watching people I love and who are capable of great love and kindness, be so casually racist/homophobic. I've really struggled trying to understand what it is that turns off their logic and compassion intermittently. So what helped me feel more positive in your story was that even though you struggled with gaining their acceptance, they were basically kind people and came around. I really hope they my parents take the same route. They say that they will love me no matter what, but I'm always afraid that when I come out that that love could get crushed under the years of rhetoric and hate that they listen to daily.
     
  8. Astrocyte

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    You have to take it slowly. And as I said, it took a fair while before my parents were able to come around. It sounds like your family, compared to mine, does have more defined conservative values, but at the same time their horror towards injustice is also more defined. In the same way, they kind of both hover around this ambiguity. It's hard for me to make a call on what to do, but for now you can place hope in that small window of opportunity.

    One thing to think about is this. People often struggle to relate with LGBT+ representations (often stereotypes) in the media. Things are totally different when they can put a name of face of a person they know with a label. And it seems like this is something you have in your favour when it comes to your parents. I came out to my parents seizing one such moment. Ultimately, your situation isn't ideal but it's not completely hopeless either. Hang in there, mate. :slight_smile:
     
  9. FalconBlueSky00

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    Astrocyte,
    Thank you very much for your encouragement, I means a lot to me to connect with someone who's made it through hard times. Gives me hope I don't think I would otherwise have.
     
  10. Astrocyte

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    Any time. Just reach out to me if you ever need me. :slight_smile: