I'm not myself... would six months abroad help me?

Hi Hermione!

I don't think I have anything really helpful to say about coming out itself. I'm terrible at it. I didn't even understand what I was myself until I was in my thirties.

But travel and broadening your mind and changing your experience, I know about that!

I got to go to college when I was 16, which was incredible, because living in my mother's house was driving me a little crazy. (Spoiler alert: I was a large part of the problem because of immaturity.) Anyway, going from my childhood home to college let me make a huge leap in becoming a different person. It didn't solve all my problems, but it took me completely out of them. Even my habits had a chance to get better, because when you're around different people and doing different things in different places, your old habits don't get triggered in the same strong ways.

Two years later I transferred to another college and got to make another leap forward. This is where I wish I would have had a brilliant insight about my gender identity and sexual orientation and gone all in, but I wasn't even a little ready for it. However, I did want to change my name, and I did that by showing up to the new place, which was literally more than a thousand miles away from the other college and even farther from my mother's house, and just telling everyone the new name I'd picked. I got to start fresh again. It was amazing.

And then after college I got a chance to travel in Europe twice (I'm from Vermont, in the U.S.), and it blew my mind. I realized all kinds of things about the world and about myself. I came back and started noticing the buildings and the culture and the assumptions around me.

I don't know if this kind of the same for most people or if I'm just wired more for travel and moving around, but I'm really tempted to shout Go, girlfriend, go! It can be amazing! Since it's really a bad idea for me to offer specific advice when I just know a tiny bit about your life, though, I'll just say that relocating worked for me. I envy that you get to do it already understanding your identity!

Good luck!
Kit

 

In general, I advocate studies abroad! They were some of the best experiences of my life.

I would also say, though, that leaving for six months may or may not help your current situation. If anything, being among accepting people who are just meeting your for the first time could be a good first step towards coming out to everyone. That being said, I don't think your problems at home will go away if you study abroad for a while, so you'll have to deal with that at some point.

As far as "being yourself again" is concerned, I get it: I only recently came out to myself, but the longer I wait to come out to others, the more it hurts me. But I told one friend on accident and it felt absolutely amazing because suddenly, I wasn't hiding parts of myself anymore; besides, she told me about a cute friend I thought was straight but that she said might be into me. So that's one coming-out that went unexpectedly well!

Take as much time as you need, but remember that the issue of coming out won't really go away until you take the plunge. If you want to feel like your true self, unfortunately, you can't be constantly pretending to be something other than yourself when you're around other people. I hope this helps. Much love!

 

The short answer is "yes, if you can afford it." As far as LGBT in Scotland, I'm sure there is some presence. And the Scottish are so stubborn they would stand up for the right to be yourself. (I say this as a Scot, not trying to abuse a stereotype.)

As long as you don't get devoured by the Loch Ness Monster (or something else wherever you go) travel is so good for so many things. Like renard says, it won't per se solve the issues of identity or coming out, but it sure could focus them better.

Also, linguistics is fascinating. Hard to imagine having a bad time traveling and studying languages. I hope something works out for you!