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How to deal with parental invalidation?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Nightdream, Dec 2, 2016.

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  1. Nightdream

    Nightdream
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    I'm asking this mostly for my brother than myself as he's way younger than me and is going through that. Our parents just frequently invalidate our feelings and sometimes even opinions or choices on some matters. I know, it doesn't sound very important, but here are a few examples of what happens:

    1) When my brother complains about feeling pain and cry, my dad will very likely treat him as being overly dramatic and will scream at him for crying or showing any sign of sobbing. Our father is only respectfull when the injury appears to hurt bad in his opinion, but even then he can blame on my brother for getting hurt.
    2) I can't talk to my dad about my emotional pain because I know he will either say that I have no reason to be sad because I have many things already and a loving family or he will trivialize my feelings.

    There are other things that happen, but they're also within what I explained. I often get worried about my brother's mental health because of this and I need to look for friends or strangers on the internet whenever I feel the need to vent. It bothers me a lot. How am I supposed to take care of that? Any advice?
     
    #1 Nightdream, Dec 2, 2016
  2. Gravity

    Gravity
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    If you feel like you need some support from a parent and you're not getting it, it might be best to look elsewhere for a first step, rather than banging your head against a well. Start with other family members - if your mother is in the picture, talk to her, or perhaps an aunt or uncle. There's no reason you shouldn't be able to talk to them as well, and they might be able to get your dad to come around too.

    You could also try teachers and counselors at school (even if they're not certified psychological counselors, they would be able to refer you to someone who was, if that was necessary).

    Basically, I would start with the adults closest to you and see if they can help you build something up.
     
    #2 Gravity, Dec 3, 2016
  3. resu

    resu
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    Gravity is right. Your father is not capable of positive emotional support, which means you need to find others who can fill that void. It can be hard to be open, but you will find those who are truly compassionate and willing to help or redirect you to professional counselors.
     
    #3 resu, Dec 4, 2016
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