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My friend doesn't understand depression

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by animequeen567, Dec 6, 2016.

  1. animequeen567

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    My friend and roommate keeps telling me that I should put my depression aside to help console him. He doesn't understand that it doesn't work. His mom died in September. She was the only person that cared about him in his family. I feel bad for him. I do, but I don't know what to do for him. Nothing helps. He keeps saying that I don't really care about him of I can't put my depression aside. He tells me I don't really have depression. Tell that to the doctors.He keeps giving me a lot of bullshit reasons. Apparently I only care about myself and Im a selfish bitch.
     
  2. HuskyLover

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    Has he always been like that to you, or to other people? If not, then it can just be that his mothers death affected him really much and makes him act that way. It's not really an excuse, but it's something to keep in mind.

    Either way, if you can't help him with that, there are other ways you can show that you care about him. Just ask him if he needs help with something that you CAN assist with.

    On the other hand, you can just ignore them and go on with your life.
     
  3. Creativemind

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    People think depression is a mood, but It's actually a mental illness. It doesn't just refer to sadness either. Depression may also manifest itself with expressions of anger, or even just an emotionless state of apathy. I try to explain this to people but they don't get it.

    I will no longer befriend a person who is this ignorant toward mental illness. So sorry you have to deal with this.
     
  4. resu

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    He is being a selfish jerk. When you are dealing with a depressive episode, you are not in a position to help others who are grieving. I suggest redirecting him to others like professional grief counselors and not you. If he won't stop, maybe you need to limit the time you spend with him.
     
  5. johndeere3020

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    From experience here, depression is not like a running car engine, cant just turn the key and shut it off. Maybe try to support each other?
     
  6. animequeen567

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    He has always been like that. Every time I mention that I'm depressed he just tells me to ignore it or that I should think of all the people who care about me. Now he tells me I don't have a reason to be depressed and he does and I should just ignore it and hel0 him. He makes me feel even more terrible. He even went so far as to say to me that if I really am depressed then I would just never say anything to people about it and pretend to be happy. I don't understand where he gets that logic. I feel bad about his mom but he shouldnt be taking things out on me because of my depression getting in the way of his grieving.

    ---------- Post added 7th Dec 2016 at 01:53 AM ----------

    I tried and he told me he can't talk to someone he doesn't know about his problems. I think he needs to though.

    ---------- Post added 7th Dec 2016 at 01:55 AM ----------

    I try my best but every time I mention that I'm depressed he gets mad or annoyed about it. When I try to console him, he tells me I can't help.
     
  7. joshy the queen

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    Simply put
    Some depressed people see other depressed people as more fortune than them,and so they start acting like their reasons are enough for depression and they become blind to other depressed people with more fortune reasons, its all about being in someone's shoes to be honest, no one can the feel the pain but the person themselve.
    And he sees your condition as better than his, and so it makes him feel unfair of you being sad, because he doesn't to want to understand, or actually not in the state of mind to understand anyone.
     
  8. Northern guy

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    As someone who has done my best to care for depressed people, on more than one occasion, I well understand the isolated situation that depressed people can find themselves in through no fault of their own.

    I do know that it can be horrendously frustrating and difficult for a friend to come to terms with, for example being shut out, rejected etc, even when that friend is not facing such a life changing event as this person who has lost his mother.

    I find it quite alarming that some writers here are overlooking the fact that this guy is grieving and in a state of anxiety, in need of a helping hand himself. Calling him "a selfish jerk" is wrong, sorry Resu , you're an Advisor on this board and a "thinking thing"? It's just wrong, a bad example.

    The initiator of this post seems to really care about him to want to help, but simply is not in a position to do so. The only thing you can do is to reassure him you care for him and you're sorry for his loss , and direct him towards counselling. If he won't go you can't make him, same as he can't make you do anything. Maybe he will be in a position to do so eventually, when he's ready.

    Your depression is not getting in the way of his grief.

    My late partners mum died just weeks before my brother died, we grieved despite each other, barely supported each other , because we had individual grief to work through as well as each other's grief, and we were not clinically depressed. It was horrendous. So to some extent I can well see the conflicts going on .

    I hope you can both hold your friendship together by trying to understand each other's situation, although I realise your friend has not been too understanding in the past. One day you'll hopefully be able to realise that you support each other despite everything. He'll need support when you're well and you may be able to offer it then, in your own way. Like one writer says, there are lots of ways of helping.

    I wish you well, and I hope this awful illness can be controlled for you, I really do.

    I just wouldn't recommend passing on Resu's opinion!
     
  9. johndeere3020

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    animequeen567, Do you have a counselor to talk things through with? Its not selfish to think about your health whether if be physical or mental. With depression it can be work just doing normal things like getting out of be in the morning.

    Please remember to take care of yourself!
    Dean