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I need help reconnecting with an old friend.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Kodo, Dec 7, 2016.

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  1. Kodo

    Kodo
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    I decided to reach out to an old (platonic) friend I'd had a falling out with a few years back. Long story short, she was receptive and open to talking to me. We text currently, and live in other sides of the country.

    But I am in a predicament, because I realize how inept I am at maintaining any sort of friendship and feel that I may have made a mistake in contacting her.

    I find myself very tentative in my texts to her, because I don't wish to cause damage. But I also cannot seem to broach anything meaningful. It is like I am flying blind.

    I want to tell her that I am sorry for being unkind to her (the cause of our previous falling out). Also, I have changed a lot since we last spoke nearly four years ago. And that I understand if she doesn't want to be bothered with me then I can stop. I treat relationships as very important but I don't want to put myself all out there if I am repugnant to this person, or if she is apathetic about it.

    Only I honestly have no idea what she could possibly be thinking. If I try to imagine what others are thinking, my mind draws blank because I only know my perspective and the facts of what happened. I communicate with blunt honesty and cannot stand having to parse hidden meanings.

    So my first question is: Can anyone help me word these thoughts in a way that is sensitive?

    TL;DR
    Do you have any advice for what being a good friend means, especially over long distance?
     
    #1 Kodo, Dec 7, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2016
  2. Florestan

    Florestan
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    I've been in a somewhat similar situation before, although it was a breakup rather than a falling-out. They reached out to me while they were studying abroad, several months after we'd completely stopped talking to each other. And at first, we were tiptoeing around a lot of things, trying to figure out if we could reconnect. But with time, we were able to talk through what had gone wrong, and become friends again.

    So, it will be uncertain for a while. It may or may not work out. The important thing is to respect her boundaries. When you're ready to apologize, be honest about what you did wrong (without self-loathing), say you want to do better now, and ask for forgiveness. If she wants to rekindle the friendship, be the best friend you can. If not, then respect her wishes.
     
    #2 Florestan, Dec 7, 2016
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