Fallen like a fool.

Hi everyone!
My first post here and it's going to be a long one!

So, at a work function, I met this girl that works for the same company as me albeit in a different office. The night we met I had a feeling she was gay and due to the amount of alcohol consumed I straight out asked her if she was. She told me she was and has been with her girlfriend who she lives with for the past six years! Great I thought as it meant I could finally have a gay work friend! Quickly we added each other on all social media and began talking everyday about anything and everything.

She even made an hour long trip to deliver me some paperwork that I needed one day.

Not long after I met up with her and her girlfriend a few times and seemed to get on well with both of them.

I really started to fall for my new friend and told her as such as she is just one of these people you can say anything to. She told me that she's in a committed relationship and won't cheat. I never expected her to and things continued as normal.

We then had another work function to go to and at the end of the night someone from the office told her girlfriend who picked her up that I was interested in her. I am, but I know boundaries so was just happy with our new budding friendship.

I didn't know this until a week when she told me that she has had to delete me off all social media as it wasn't worth the break up of her relationship for. I said okay and that we would take it down a notch and not speak as much. She said that we could only speak at work and not at weekends or evenings when she is with her girlfriend. I said if it's going to be like that we will just cool it off altogether as all we are doing is talking about our pointless days at work and I can do that with someone else it isn't a problem. The next day she readded me on everything and we continued talking including some conversations going well over the hour mark.

Now it has got to the point where I really really like her as we just click. I know loads of her secrets and all about her family and we have become really close. She knows I feel like this and has told me it can never happen but everytime I try to pull away from the friendship she reels me back in.

What can I do?

 

Well today I told her exactly how I have been feeling lately and it didn't go well.
She called me twisted for starters. She told me that it's been getting weird for her too as she could see that I liked her but it can't happen as we are friends and she is with someone. She then deleted me from all social media and says that from now on we aren't friends as if I respected her then this wouldn't of happened.

i never thought she would do that. I'm in the wrong though I know that. A part of me still thinks that maybe she does have feelings though which is why she has gone as far as to delete me from her life effectively because when things have been the other way around before with women, I've always just left them to it and never made a huge deal of it?

---------- Post added 8th Dec 2016 at 01:48 PM ----------

Edit.
Sorry I am female. When I signed up I must have clicked male.
I'm a gay girl who's fallen for another gay girl.

 

The thing is I do respect her and so I had to let her know what I was feeling as it was getting unbearable to be near her and talk to her. I'm glad this has happened. I know exactly where I stand and can move on with my life. Thankfully we have a work break for the holidays and so we won't need to be in contact anymore.

 

Thank you for your kind words. If it is meant to be then it will happen and be worth waiting for. We haven't spoke since I told her how I feel but I feel like we ended our friendship on the right way. Saying we will always be there for each other if needed. I honestly never meant to hurt her, she was second guessing everything I posted online, thinking it was about herself and her relationship which it was not. I am glad to be out of the situation in all honesty as if they were to break up then I would have been the excuse and not the real reason for it. I will be fine. I guess I just needed to vent this to someone as it wasn't until recently she had a problem with me liking her.

 

A bit more to add to this saga.

I'm told that I have been dropped from social media as I am psycho because I retweeted a motivational quote and she seems to think it's aimed at her.

Today I got a call from work to say that some toner for her branch was delivered to my branch by mistake. I let all of my contacts know this and said that they'd likely be getting a call on their day off seeing if they could collect it. She seems to think that I somehow plotted this as some vengeful act to ruin her weekend with her girlfriend and went mad at me by text. She also says she is keeping all of our message history incase anything like this happens again?

I'm really baffled, I mean she knew I liked her, she knew that and then suddenly it all gets too much for her and I'm enemy #1. A while back her girlfriend was getting harassed online and now she thinks it was me. It wasn't. I actually worry incase she does something to me.

The more I think about it the more I think that she does have feelings too and is why she is acting so childish.

 

Today I got a message saying "I can't believe you've done this, you knew from the start I was in a relationship and nothing will ever happen. I am not the one for you. It can't happen like this, we are colleagues and I have a girlfriend, it just can't happen. They way you've handled this is twisted".


Considering I haven't spoke to her since the toner incident yesterday can anyone dissect this message and why she has randomly sent it today? Out of the blue?

 

I haven't responded to her. Thankfully our offices shut for the holidays at the end of this week so we won't even need to contact eachother at work. I can't lie, we did have a connection and that's why it's such a shame as we were good friends and she did know that I liked her and it was seemingly a non-issue until she started to out of the blue make a big deal out of it and be bitter towards me. I know every relationship has issues but I feel like I'm being used here for all their problems. Looking back, us talking took two of us, if she didn't want to be my friend originally she didn't have to be. I want this week to hurry up so I can have a good holiday period without all the drama

 

Maybe, I sure hope so! I know they have their ups and downs and often sleep on separate rooms and go days without talking to one another, maybe she isn't a bad person and is just going through a rough patch and was taking it out on me. . She knows I'm here for her and only a telephone call to the office away. I feel a little bit better now, I hope we can be friends again soon.

 

I actually had to speak to her about an hour ago regarding some stock inventory at work. Was all very professional and nothing was mentioned about anything but work. I did apologise for the toner error and she just said she was in a mood that day.

As for their relationship, everyone says they are toxic for one another and have both lost friends because of it. My guess is that it's her first love and she wants it forever. They argue but are both pretty dependant on each other by all accounts.


As painful as it is, I just have to wait until she needs a friend again. Hopefully not too soon. I will keep you posted xo

 

Well I'm hoping that with me out of the picture she realises that I was never the problem and actually vents her issues out to the girlfriend and not me.

 

Spoke to her today and it was like nothing had changed. Laughing and joking like normal.

But....
She says the reason we can't be friends is because her girlfriend found out about my feelings and knows that my crush knew about them and never said anything to her. This is why she went mad about the toner incident over the weekend.
As it stands, we can only talk at work about work things and her girlfriend is not to find out so again, she is lying to her.
I really think she has feelings as she could have handled this so much worse than she has.
I wished her a happy holidays as we probably won't need to speak again until new year.
I'm happy it's out in the open but sad, I wonder how many other friends she has lost because of this girl. I'm glad we smoothed things over and that she is missing my friendship also.

Silverhalo I tried to PM you this but it wouldn't let me

 

I'm new to the forum so didn't know that, makes sense though!
All I said to her was that she needs to try and sort it out as I'm not willing to communicate with her in secret at work and have her delete all further communication. It will only add fuel to the fire if her girlfriend finds out.
It's sad but it's also good to know that she did value my friendship and there was no hard feelings on her side. She wants us to be friends but can't as it's either our friendship or her relationship. Good to know that this is what she is like though, very interesting.