Okay so I have gotten myself into a big mess and I don't know how to get out... or if I even want to? So I'm going to preface this by saying I broke up with my ex-girlfriend of a year five months ago. It's not super relevant but it's something. So I started College in September, which was something I'd been fearing for a long time. I'm doing A levels in Maths, Chemistry and Biology, which aren't my favourites. To make things more bearable, I decided to join my College's student union. I figured that I could make some friends, maybe even find some queer girls (where do they hide?!) Yeah, it worked a little too well. I became the Women's representative, and begin spending a lot of time in there. I met a girl there, I'll call her R. One of our first conversations was: Her: So... are you queer? Me: Yeah, I'm a lesbian. Her: And a very pretty one at that. It turns out that she's bi. And I literally fall in love with anyone who gives me affection so it was literally a wreck from the start tbh. So that was probably 2 months ago. 2 1/2 at most. Since then, we bonded over our shared mental illnesses (we both have depression and anxiety whoop whoop). Also we both watch Supergirl, and at the moment we're watching the whole Alex storyline unfold. I gave her my number literally just under 2 weeks ago, because she has frequent anxiety attacks and I wanted her to be able to get hold of me if she needed to talk. Last wednesday she text me saying that she had something she needed to talk to me about. My naive ass didn't think anything of it and we met up on the Friday, and she told me that she had feelings for me and she wanted to try dating and see where it goes. What the actual hell, for starters. People don't have feelings for me. I'm the kind of person who people date because there's no-one better. I'm mentally ill, I have a long term shitty situation, abusive parents and a crap load of baggage. I am no fun. I have to constantly worry about hiding relationships from my family. So anyway, I decide that I don't want to lose a friend, and if you've seen Supergirl this situation is so fucking ironic because regardless of what choice I made, I was either gonna Maggie Sawyer 2x06 the poor girl, or 2x08 her instead. I went 2x08 minus some kissing. So yeah. I ended up with a girlfriend! That's fine, because I had feelings for her anyway even if I hadn't totally sussed them out, and 2 months of friendship isn't the absolute worst amount of time, we can casual date for a while, right? Wrong!!!! I called her for about an hour on Sunday, I think. I'd just come out to my nan and I'd had 4 glasses of wine, so I was a wee bit tipsy. And at the end of our conversation, she said 'I love you'. I said it back, despite the fact that this was probably way too fast? But I was tipsy and everything is a good idea at that point, I'd already came out to my nan and some extended family so what the actual hell. But she sent me a text earlier saying I love you and I'm just... really overwhelmed. One one hand, this is going too fast. This can't be normal, and she's acting desperate I guess? And then I realise you've got to be pretty desperate to date someone like me anyway. I'm so conflicted because my friends are like 'just go for it' but with two mentally unstable people in a relationship sometimes there's a disaster waiting to happen. But also if I turn her down now, or had done before, I could damage her mental state a lot. I was destroyed when my ex left me, despite the fact that I understood why. I fell really deep into self loathing; I couldn't blame her for leaving me at all when I wish I could dump my ass too. I couldn't stand the thought of making someone else go through that. But I just don't know what to do. We're very different, intellectually. She is resitting GCSE's at 18 to become a Marine Biologist and I'm doing A Levels. Of course, she has her reasons and I don't consider her to be stupid or any less worthy of love because of this, it just makes us less compatable. And she's 2 years older than me. I'm just afraid that if I left her, I'd cause her a lot of pain. And a lot of friends I've made in my student union are friends with her, despite the fact that she's not part of it. Any advice? Honestly, I don't know how I get into situations like this. I'm not even interesting enough to warrant this much drama. What.
Okay so when even you guys can't help you know you've fucked up XD I'm seeing her today, I'll update you on what happens.
I didnt get to see her on friday- she was ill. Does literally anyone have any advice? I hate to sound needy but I'm so lost. I don't know what to do.
Hey ResidentTheatreKid, Do you think you might be 'overthinking' this? It all sounds good for both of you from what you've written. How fast or slow a relationship develops totally depends on the people involved. You're both adults and going into this relationship knowingly, so, ultimately, the only person you really have to worry about hurting is yourself. Both of you are taking a chance that this relationship might work. That's something we all do, each and every time that we enter into a romantic relationship. Why not just be open and honest with her - talk to her? Communication is a key foundation in any relationship. Then, just go with the flow and see where it takes the two of you. Why try to shut down something that can potentially be wonderful and beautiful for both of you before you even give it a real chance to blossom? Just some thoughts.
I just want to add a couple things to what Quantumreality said. This doesn't have to be an all or nothing moment if you don't want it to be. You can talk to her and let her know that you feel like things are moving too fast. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Having a lot of baggage doesn't mean that you can't have a relationship. If it did, few people would ever fall in love. On a separate note, are you seeing anyone for your anxiety and depression? Is she? If you're not, I encourage you to think about it. It's good to have support.
