hello people. I'm trying as hard as I can to "lose" my secret love feeling towards my straight friend. Maybe go on a date with someone ? Is it fair to my date when I'm still deeply in love with someone else? Do you guys think it is selfish to love a real steady 20% and secretly 80% in love with someone else ? :tears:
i believe you should try find a person. at least for those 20% for now. maybe it will grow. but you have to be honest and say (not from the start, but maybe after some trust) that you have this issue. and then maybe that person will help, cuz you never know how a totally new person can affect your life.. just give in in trying new things, new people, find what to do, new activities, try making new friends maybe? try everything you can think of. and maybe when you will find what to focus on, it will help you. dont ignore the fact that you love someone, no. its okay to love, its a beautiful thing, better of try learning to live with it, with a possibility that maybe there is one more person for you in this world and then find that person. just be careful for your own good by the way, does your friend, who you ar ein love with, know you are gay??
Thanks so much for the advice. My friend doesn't know Im gay and In love with him. You are right, it can be a beautiful thing, even if I find someone else. He can be a friend that I will always care for. Kinda sucks that I have to keep my feelings inside
As you are thinking of finding someone else it might be worth asking yourself who you are in this process. Are you also looking for yourself too? I understand that you have an emotional desire for your 80%, and that doesn't mean that you shouldn't pursue the guy that you are feeling 20% for. That's not a bad approach. But maybe a deeper question would be - can you find happiness (for now) with no one but yourself? Sometimes when I feel a deep longing for someone (as painful as it is when that longing isn't returned) it can actually be signaling something about myself. So, although a relationship with that person I want so badly isn't possible, I can still benefit by learning about myself. Whether you go for the guy you've got a 20% desire for or not (or even if you want to still put some concrete effort into closure for the 80% guy) - invest in yourself. That would be an effort that you will benefit no matter what the outcome with either the 20% or the 80% guy. It's fair to the 20% guy, the 80%, and the most important guy - you. *warm hugs* Patrick Seattle, WA
thanks Patrick. Finding myself. that's a very good advice. It doesn't seem "possible", at least at this moment, to commit to any relationship , when my crush is still my No.1. much thanks
I'm going through really similar territory right now. Sometimes I feel like I'm renting my own heart from someone else. Not comfortable at all. *lol* Patrick
