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My Girlfriend is in the closet... Advice?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Maccready, Dec 13, 2016.

  1. Maccready

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    First and foremost I live in the deep south. Also, I am only in highschool so please keep an open mind to this situation. My Girlfriend (we'll call her Mel) and I have been off on dating because she's nervous. Which honestly, I don't blame her. She's a Christian and was staunchly raised so by her cult-like Baptist mother. She's only recently come to terms that she is BI and even slipped up and her mom found out. Her mother basically lost her shit, locked her out, and made her verbally break up with me over the phone. After that she told Mel she didn't want to be the mother of a kid that kills themselves... Which honestly broke my heart. Yeah I get the mom is just scared, but who the hell tells their child that? For awhile we were strictly friends then as of late got back together again. I forgot to add, I'm openly gay and she is buried DEEP in the closet. She gets nervous just being too close, and what's awful is that we can only hang out at school, because her mother knows who I am and 'forbade' Mel from associating with me. We get 0 privacy at school we don't have a group a friends we can blend in with to be together either. This is all seriously frustrating me but what concerns me most is Mel. She's admitted to me that she is seriously conflicted with herself. "Apart of me just wants to be with someone and be happy, the other part tells me I'm disgusting and going to hell." I am not religious mysel nor was I raised like she was so im trying to understand her... I just want to figure out a way to be her rock and to help her not feel like that. I try to show her hw much I care and I always give her space, support, and back off whenever she feels it's too much. But right now I'm at a stump? How do I keep up this relationship when we have no privacy, alone time, means of being with one another, a way to convince her she's perfectly normal, or a way to find where we can just. Be together? Like a couple! We can barely text one another because her mom monitors her phone nightly.... Just, man what do I do?
     
  2. beenthrdonetht

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    Every time I click on a link here, I think to myself "please, let this be a positive story." But it isn't always. OMG, being forced to break up over the phone. That makes me feel like crying right now.

    I can't even think of what advice to give; I hope that other EC people with more experience with this sort of thing will step up. (C'mon people!) All I can give you (and Mel) is sympathy. And the thought (FWIW) that really most people, wherever they are from, are better than that. I know it's a long time (in teenager years) until you will be able to leave home. But we all do, and it gets better. Hugs!
     
  3. Creativemind

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    How old are you? If you are minors, it might be impossible to keep this relationship going for the time being. Being closeted doesn't fully protect someone from harm, and if her mom finds out, she could be abused or disowned. It's best to support her, no matter how you choose to do it.
     
  4. Maccready

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    We're both 16 so sadly yeah we are very limited if not in a impossible relationship. That's what I was afraid of but Mel told me repeatedly her mother would never lay a hand on her. Though I made her promise if it ever does get like that she needs to tell me, a friend, teacher, or her dad IMMEDIATELY. She was pretty firm about it. I also gave her alternate options. Since we live in the same small town it's easy to meet up. I told her we could 'coincidentally' meet up at the park or shops but she's afraid someone from her family will see us and tell her mom. I offered her to hang out with me and my close friends, their mom is really cool and let's us all hang out. Though Mel would 'technically' be hanging out with them and not with 'me'. My friend Kate and her girlfriend also hang out this way too, which is why I suggested it but she still has her doubts.

    Thank ya'll for the encouragement... Trust me I need it, and so does Mel. I really want us to work somehow even if that means we can only talk in public but it doesn't hurt to try and maybe find some sort of loophole to help her get more comfortable about this.

    ---------- Post added 14th Dec 2016 at 10:22 PM ----------

    I also attend a local Methodist Church that has a very accepting youth group full of my personal friends. I even offered her to see if she could come to youth with my friends as a means to maybe hang out too. She so far feels a little more trust in that idea.